GET WILD & BE SEXY

At my aunts

2012-02-24T10:54:00.000-08:00

So right now I'm at my aunts house just to hang out with my cousins annd with my littlesisters. I haven't done anything recently, or yeah I went to my aunt but otherwise that's about it I guess. I haven't slept for over 24 hours so this is going to be a really short post.

At the moment I'm sitting in the couch with my littlesister and watching Family guy with my cousin by the computer playing mindcraft or something like that. I don't really get it but if he thinks it's fun then it's just okey for me! Friday is that kind of day when my aunt and her family buys candy and so do we, and we have chips also.

Just so you know this is why I decided to make and post this pic

Watashi wa kawaii desuuuuuuuu???????? Lol.

Kisses and Hugs

Dyeing hair, help me!

2012-02-21T07:38:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm writing on my uncles's laptop, it's a macbook air and it's so comfortable! It's so cool to write on and so thin like almost paper thin! I wonder how this thing works inside but I don't have the time to think about that.

Anyways back to the subject.
As many of you know I'm going to dye my hair red. I feel like i've been blonde for so long now that it's time to try something else. My only problem is that I don't have the slightest idea of how it will end up
I have platinum blonde hair, or most of my hair is anyways, and I'm afraid that it will turn out orange. If you're going to dye your hair red you need to have kind of dark hair for it to work.
It says on all the cartons of the color that you need at least dark blonde hair for the color to become red, or else it gets orange and since I really hate orange I would not want my hair to turn out orange.
The main color that I wanted to have was a strong red color like Rihanna, that's shocking red!

I think that this color is so cool but I also think that if I'm really going to be able to pull it off I have to be a little bit more tanned then what I am right now. I don't know how she got this color or if you can get something similar somewhere.

I think that I need to dye it twice if it doesn't turns out the way I wanted and I'm actually prepared to do that. It's just that i've heard that it's almost impossible to get your hair back to blonde after dyeing it red once. I don't know if I want to have red hair for the rest of my life, but I don't know how long time it takes for it to go out.

I need help with advices, brands and colors etc. so PLEASE help me or else I might not dye it!
Thank you!

Kisses and Hugs

Tanning: My personal tips and tricks

2012-02-19T10:23:00.000-08:00

I know that i'm fat, you don't need to comment that, okay?

So today I went to the tanning salon for the first time in a long time. I've missed the tanning salon so much and as soon as I get new money I will go to the tanning salon about 4 times a week. No just kidding, but it will be a few times a week as the tanning salon is like 2 minutes away from me.

People are reading my blog (suprisingly! Thank you!) and I don't know how many of you that goes tanning or if you want to try it. Anyhow, I thought about sharing my personal tips and tricks.

I just want to tell you that in Sweden we don't have tanning salons with staff, we have drop-in tanning salons. You just put money in a thing outside and then you have two minutes before the tanning bed starts by themselves and then they keep on going for the selected time.
In the bigger cities like Stockholm and Gothenburg I think that we have tanning salons with staff but I'm acctually not sure.

Just keep this is mind. Thank you!

Tip 1: The best tanning bed.

According to me, there are a few tanning beds that are really good. My favourite is the brand Ergoline which is the best and most expensive tanning beds. In Sweden we don't have Ergoline tanning beds where I live so that's kind of sad. If you have Ergoline tanning beds near you, go to them because they are the very best in tanning! They had Ergoline in Japan and it was the best one ever!

If you don't have Ergoline I'm also very fond of Ultratan because they have very comfortable tanning beds with good lights. The result is good and they have very good fans which can chill you off.

The other brand that I like is Lumina which is the tanning bed I have closest to me. They have really good fans and makes your color to last a little longer.

Tip 2: Tanning lotion

To have a good tanning lotion is a must if you want to get a nice color! I've tried a few tanning lotions and I can tell you which one I like:
I use Australian Gold Tanning spray and it's super good. It gives you color really fast and it's very easy to apply. It also smells really good! The only minus is that it costs so much!

The other brand I like is Hawaiian Tropic which is sold worldwide and has a lovely smell. Hawaiian Tropic has many versions of lotions and I think that you should use the Dark Tanning oil to get color fast. The tanning oil has NO protection what so ever just so you know, however Hawaiian Tropic also sells lotions with different levels of protection.

The bottle might not look like this anymore since Hawaiian Tropic has changed design, atleast in Sweden.

Tip 3: Tanning goggles?

Personally I don't wear tanning goggles because it makes white circles around the eyes. I just close my eyes and I'm just fine. If you're going to use tanning goggles I suggest that you take goggles with no strings because it can leave a mark.

Tip 4: How to have your hair

Just put your hair up in a bun on the top of your head, otherwise it gets uncomfortable when you're lying down.

Tip 5: How to get in the tanning bed without missing time

This is how I do, my ninja plan:

Step 1: Take of your pants and apply tanning lotion on your legs
Step 2: Sneak out and make sure nobody is watching and then put your money in the machine outside.
Step 3: Close and lock the door and then apply tanning lotion at the rest of the body.
Step 4: Let the tanning bed do it's job!
Step 5: Clean after yourself!

That's my five tips on how to do if you decide to go tanning. Please note that this is written if you're going to a drop-in tanning salon!
I hope I helped some of you guys!

Also today is Felicia's birthday so Congratz my little angel! <3

Kisses and Hugs

New earings

2012-02-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

Today the time has come for me to change my earings, I've really looked forward to it and this is how my earings look!

I really love the peace sign and I like big earings so these are so perfect! I got them on sale too! Yay me! What do you think about them?

Anyways, today has been a very, I don't know, poetic or I don't know but something in that way. I got to borrow my mothers camera which is a really good one. I've always loved to take photos in nature, I don't like nature in general but I like taking picture of flowers and leafes (spelling?) because it just makes nice backgrounds and photos. Now there's not alot of nature in Sweden because of the winter but you can find some things that you can take a picture.
After some time with the camera I washed my hair extensions, they are able to wear but they're really thin but you can still have it for a while and you can have it in ponytails or braids.

I went with my littlesister to a teenage group that where going to sit in front of a fire and just talk. It wasn't what we were supposed to do exactly but in the end everybody nearly froze to death so it was either get near the fire or die. No just kidding it wasn't that cold but it was not warm!
I don't have anything else to write, it's been lack of things to write about these days but I promise I will try to find something that I can write about and when I'm not as tired as I am now!

Thank you guys!

Egg magazine online and my future room

2012-02-08T13:46:00.000-08:00

First off I just want to say that I just found a site where you can read or look at egg magazine online in HD:

Click♥here

Then in that magazine I found some pictures of different egg models when they showed their rooms. I was totally cought up on one of the models rooms! I think it's cool that they can make a little tiny apartment look so cosy and cute! I thought that it was such an inspiration to see. I just wished that Gehako could've showed her room too. I also wish I knew which egg magazine they showed Yuka (AngeleeK) and her room! They also had Gehako "Looked back on 20 years" and I saw Gehako as a kid, and she was so adorable!

Anyhow, this is one of the rooms that I really liked:

I love her room, it's so bright and colorful! It's also very very pink! I think that I will do something like this for my apartment in Japan but maybe a little bit of zebra and stitch thrown in.
How would you want your room to look like?
Kisses and Hugs

Selling items! Contact me!

2012-02-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

This is how the cap I bought on Saturday looks on me! What do you think?

Anyways, I was thinking about selling some old stuff and I want to know if you're interested? I have clothes and accessories but not everything is fitted for gyaru though. If you want to know what I'm selling then contact me.

I really need to get some new extensions, the ones I have now has become unwearable. They're too frissy and they're getting way to trashy. New ones cost 1100:- from rapunzel which is acctually very cheap. Until I have money I have to walk without extensions.

This is not a very long post, i'm to depressed to write, I just wanted you to know.
Kisses and Hugs

Proud of you gals

2012-02-05T06:44:00.000-08:00

I was checking through gyaru secrets as usual and saw three pictures that made me proud. Finally some of the gals has realized what gyaru secrets are doing to the style gyaru and to the people that wants to get into it.
The first pic that made me proud was:

I'm not proud that the gals have made this to the person. I am proud that the person has realized how the community is destroying him/her and needs to quit. This is almost how I feel and this is why I dropped out the gyaru community. I admire the gals that keeps on going with the style eventhough they get many nasty things said to them.
I hope that the gal who posted this pic reads this and listen when I say that you're beautiful and that you should keep on going with gyaru and rock the style because I bet you do!

The other picture that made me proud was:

Finally! One person has realized what gyaru is about! I agree, the gals on that pic is not FAT at all! They're normal!

The third pic that made me proud was:

This is also what i'm thinking about gyaru secrets! Finally someone said it!

I'm so proud of the people who made these pics because they've realized that something is wrong about the gaijin gyaru community!
The japanese gyaru community seems so supportive and nice and I don't get how the gaijin gyaru community has gotten so bitchy and rude. It's just so dissapointing to see everybody bitching and fighting at eachother for no reason instead of being supportive and nice to eachother.

Anyways, I'm really proud of those gals/guys who made these pictures!
Kisses and Hugs

Today's shopping

2012-02-04T11:35:00.000-08:00

Pictures and memories

2012-02-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

So, after school which was nothing special. It was so boring as usual but when I got on the bus I met two friends of mine, Joel and Mhattias. We went in the same class from forth to sixth grade and they've all been so very nice to me. Joel and Mhattias has had a theme week at school and they got some money that were made out of really thin paper which you could eat. It was almost lite pretz that they have in japan.

This is how they looked, and they didn't taste that much either acctually. It was kind of funny to just stand there and eat fake money though just to see peoples reactions.

I was rich. Then something mysterious happened, I became hungry.

You know the secret why i'm broke all the time. I love to eat money because they don't have wrinkles, and then I won't get it either. Seems logic doesn't it?

Anyways, after the bus ride we decided to get too the school that I went from 4-6 grade to visit our teacher. Felicia joined me and Joel and then we went to see our teacher, she was awesome! She focused on the social thing in the class and made everyone accept eachother. Then the seventh grade came and fucked up everything.
Anyhow, my teacher was not there because they had a special outdoor day, which was a little sad. We decided to go visit her another day, when we went to the schoolyard, we saw that they made a little ice skating thingie on ground, so childish as we are, we decided to take a ride!

I had so much fun and laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself. Right now I'm sitting here tired just finished eating a little bit of candy as the fatso I am.
Thank you for saving my day Felicia, Joel and Mhattias! <3
Kisses and Hugs

Getting to me

2012-02-01T11:30:00.000-08:00

My hair looks so totally fucked up on this picutre but I don't care at the moment.

I've beginning to enter a more depressive part in my life. I can feel the anxiety rolling around me like a thick cloud that you can't get out of. I don't want it, but I can't stop it. The cloud is getting bigger and bigger and I don't know how I can stop it.

I'm so fucking through with it, I'm so tired of it like seriously I'm soon going to fall apart. I don't want this! I don't want this at all but I have no idea of what to do. This fucking sucks.

I was thinking about starting a private blog, like a really really private blog so that I can ventilate myself about everything. I guess that I will do that.
I guess that from now on this blog will be make-up, fashion and some personal stuff but I will still keep on updating. It's just that you can't write everything on an open blog.

This is just a post where i'm whining but it's my blog so I guess you just have to put up with it for now.
I'm gonna go and take a shower and then see if there is anything that can make me feel better.

Kisses and Hugs

Self learned nail artist?

2012-01-30T08:01:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to work with nails for a long time, and I've always wanted to have long nails but I've also been biting my nails for almost my whole life and I can't stop no matter how much I try. If you think that your nails are short, then think again, because I promise you, my nails are shorter.
I've been succeding some time not to bite my nails, but it always comes back and I don't know what to do about it, any suggestions? (I've already tried that yucky nail polish, I always forget to put it on and now I can't find it.)

Anyhow, I looked on ebay for some false nails and some simple do it yourself acrylic nail set when I found this:

This set is almost everything you need for UV gel and Acrylic nails. This set includes:

9W pink UV dryer lamp with bulb
1/2oz Clear UV Gel x 1
1/2oz White UV Gel x 1
1/2oz Pink UV Gel x 1
1/2oz UV Prmier x 1
2oz Cleanser Plus x 1
14ml UV Top Coat x 1
3g Nail Glue x 1
Small Nail Cleaning Brush x1
Glitter Powders (colors will be random) x 6
Nail mylar strips (colors will be random) x 6
False Nail - transparent x 20
False Nail- white x 20
Nail Form x 20
15pc nail brush set
Buffer Block x 1
4-way buffer block x 1
Cuticle revitalizer oil x 1
Toe seperator x 2
Sanding File x 1
Nail Art Clipper x 1
Curved Tweezer x 1
12 Varied Colors of Rhinestones x 1
12 Varied Colors of Nail Ball x 1
Acrylic powder (Clear) x 1
Acrylic powder (White) x 1
Acrylic powder (Pink) x 1
Acrylic liquid (75ml) x 1
Carried colors of acrylic powder x 18
Sable acrylic brush (#2/4/6/8/10) x 5
Dappen dish x 1
Nail Art Polish Corrector Remover Pen with 3 Tips x 1

More pictures and info about this set here!

I was thinking that maybe I can learn how to do acrylic nails and UV gel nails from home and then train on my skills. I've seen many good instruction videos on how to do acrylic nails and UV gel. Why don't give it a shot, this set is very cheap and it's free shipping?

What do you think about it? Should I go for it or am I just wasting my time?

Kisses and Hugs

My style history, the definition of the verb: "to change"

2012-01-29T12:36:00.000-08:00

This is very creepy to see pics when you look like a totally different person.

The feeling of oversleeping

2012-01-25T08:19:00.000-08:00

I'm so irritated right now, at myself.
I mean like seriously, how many times do I have to oversleep before I learn that I have to wake up at 06:30 to get to the fucking bus!
It can be the sleeping pills that I take everyday but I've been taking them some time now so my body should've gotten used to them. I only know that thing I take that is supposed to cure anxiety before I go to bed, well I get it sometimes. It can do that I get really tired the morning after and I can have a hard time waking up.
Other tyhan that I don't get it.

This morning I woke up at 06:30 but then suddenly I blinked and it was 07:15 and I need to get to the bus stop before 08:01. It takes maybe an hour for me to get ready for me with hair and make-up.
This term in school I've been late multiple times and I think that my teachers are starting to get a little irritated at me. I understand that because I miss almost one lesson.

So today I went with no make-up and a bun in my hair which takes like 10 minutes to do.

Do you have the same problem as me and can give me some tips on how to wake up?
Now I'm going to continue to watch Hell's Kitchen.
Kisses and Hugs

GGA 2012 and new purchase

2012-01-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

First I just want to inform you about the GGA 2012 or Gaijin Gyaru Awards. It's time to vote for your nominees in the different categories! Happy voting!

Vote here!

Now on to the actual post:

Today I've been in school as usual, it's become really cold in Sweden now, today it was -5 and snow. I was just hoping that the warm period would begin but no. It always gets cold after x-mas and then it's really cold! It gets from like +5 or +10 to like -5 to -10 just like that.
Everytime I go out my whole body is freezing and I have no feeling in the whole body.

I was supposed to have gym class today, but since I don't want to be in gym class I got to go out walking. I just walked and then I ended up at the beach for some reason, I really love coming to the beach when it's summer but I hate it at winter. It was snow all over the sand and it was just cold.

This is how the beach looks in Sweden right now. It's just cold and horrible. I wonder if it gets ice on the ocean soon, it wouldn't surprise me you know.

After that power walk which took 1 and a half hour it was just math and some reading, I'm reading a very interesting book right now. I don't know what it's called but it's written by: Daniel Tammet
I think it's him, but that book is just so good, I just can't stop read it! If you haven't read it, then do it.
Anyways, after some school I went to the bus and met a friend and we went to the city for some shopping. I was going to buy some jeans which was really cool, but they didn't have those in my size. They were inspired by the american flag, apperently the american flag has a whole collection in that store. Amercian flag shirt, blouses, pants, everything.
I think that some of they look cool. Some of they just look too american-ish you know.
I didn't find the jeans so I went to another store called Cubus in Sweden, in Sweden right now it's in style with colorful clothes and since I really love colorful clothes I'm really happy about it!
I saw a shirt and I just had to buy it! I usually don't like this type of pattern, but this is an exception, it's just because it's pink. This is how it looks:

This shirt was really cute and kind of afordable, 199 kr. I've not tried it yet but I will take a picture of me in it!
What do you think about the shirt?

Now I'm going to bed, need to get up kind of early tommorrow.
Sleep well!
Kisses and Hugs

Landover baptist forum: U MAD PEOPLE?!

2012-01-23T14:01:00.000-08:00

A few months ago I heard about a site called godhatessweden.com and was going to show it to Felicia a few days ago when we stumbled upon a forum site called landoverbaptist.net and we decided to check it out.
The topic that we were linked to was called: 10 reasons why GOD HATES SWEDEN!

The first thing that we noticed was the Danish flag at the top of the thread which they claimed was the Swedish flag, read up on facts before you decide to post something like this will you?
After laughing for a little while me and Felicia started to read the 10 reasons why god hates Sweden so much.
This was a really long text so I will shorten it down for you:

1. We created IKEA which is a satanic company who hides behind crappy furnitures

How do you even think about IKEA and satanism in the same meaning?

2. We're promoting people to become gay and we have Stockholm Pride Parade!

For those of you who don't know, Stockholm Pride Parade is a parade through Stockholm with HBT persons.

3. A swedish reporter invented a new form of pornography which made a new AIDS epedemic

Just no.

4. We have Ingrid Bergman which is one of the worst feminazi actresses ever.

Just no.

5. We were trying to improve the Swedish race after WWII until 1971 when America told us not to do so.

Just no.

6. Due to those practices to promote the Swedish race alot of men lost their balls.

............

7. We allow people to commit suicide and we even have suicide clinics where you can come and kill yourself.

That's Switzerland you dumb fuck!

8. It's common for pastors to have threesomes in a cermony in the Swedish church

I never go to church but I'm sure they don't do that!

9. When a christian pastor said that gay was wrong in Sweden, he was arrested by the IKEA police.

Since when does IKEA have police?

10. We have SAAB

No we have VOLVO you idiot

So that's the ten reasons why god hates us, when we were reading this we were cracking up so bad! It's hilarious to read and I wanted them to realize that spreading lies are wrong so I made an account called: Devilslittlehelper.
Being in that forum is really fun acctually because everybody thinks that they're so smart and know everything when in reality they're just some retarded shits.

I would've respected them if they let the rest of the world believe what they wanted to. That church killed a man by beating him to death for being homosexual. They're standing around protesting and tries to force their faith upon us.
I would've respected them, but now I don't.

Join me in the fight against them, and get some good laughing while you're at it!

Kisses and Hugs

My hair history, color and styles

2012-01-23T03:39:00.000-08:00

When I stood at the bus stop and talked to Felicias step-mother I said that I was thinking about dying my hair red in some years.
That made me think of all the crazy stuff I've done to my hair throughout the years, so if you want, let me take you on a little tour through my hair history!

This is how my hair looks right now:

With flash

Without flash

I'm still working on getting the last yellow out of my hair so that I can have almost white. I love platinum blonde hair, and I've been having that for almost 2 years.
This is before I started working on my platinum blonde hair:

19--: I'm born with brown hair which is so dark that it's almost black
2006: Toned my hair mahogny red
2007: Dyed my hair black, then went to blonde, then went to green and then black again
2008: Went to blonde and then original hair color
2009: Bleached my hair and started dying it half pink/ half blonde or just pink.
2010: Kept on bleaching my hair, getting in some pink here and there.
2011: Just bleaching and bleaching to get platinum blonde.
2012: Almost platinum blonde.

I've been going through alot of hair styles also, it was fun experimenting, here they are:

2007: Emo hair style
2008: Plain
2009: Two ponytails with lots of hello kitty decorations
2010: Teased as hell
2011: Teased as hell then toned down to just teased to get volume
2012: Teased to get volume
I don't have any pictures of me in these hairstyles, but I do remember them quite well. It's alot of colors and styles. I understood why my mom thought that I could tone it down because my hair would get damaged. I don't regret it though, because I've learning alot about how to style your hair from that and it was fun doing it.
Right now I'm in school and I'm gonna start working now, since I have english this is sort of working, but I need to do the assignments.

Ohwell
Kisses and Hugs

No computer

2012-01-20T10:36:00.000-08:00

I've haven't been blogging for some days now and that's just because some idiots thought it would be funny to plant virus in my computer and now I can't use it.
Right now i'm on my brothers laptop.

So what's been going on in my life? Not much. I've just had school and school and I slept alot. I think that i'm on my way to a more depressive period which is not good. I've been trying to stay positive but it won't work. I just feel so empty and I've lost all my stamina.

I don't know what to write right now, because I'm so very tired, but tonight I'm going over to Felicia and we're going to watch some movies and just hang out. That will surely get me in a better mode, atleast I hope so.
Anyways I hope that my wonderful readers are okey and healthy!
Kisses and Hugs

2NE1 - UGLY

2012-01-18T00:38:00.000-08:00

I’m trying to smile brightly but
I don’t like it
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2
I’m trying to sing but
No one is listening
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2
Why am I this ugly
What must I do for me to be able to smile brightly like you?
I’m getting angry again, why can’t I ever be perfect
I simply put the blame on my ugly appearance in this broken mirror
Don’t look at me, I hate this feeling right now
I want to hide away somewhere, I want to escape
This world is full of lies
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly
Don’t tell me that you can understand me so easily
My ugly and crooked heart may even come to resent you
Don’t force me to talk, I’m not right for you
The cold facade inside that patronizing gaze suffocates me
Don’t come closer, I don’t even want your concern
I want to leave away to somewhere, I want to shout out
This world is full of lies
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly
All alone
I’m all alone x 2
There is no such thing as warmth
There is no one by my side
All alone
I’m all alone x 2
I’m always alone
There’s no such thing as warmth
Next to my side, there’s not even anyone to embrace me
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be prety
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly

Translated by GEE @ ygladies.com

Review of Diamond lashes リッチ eye

2012-01-17T03:35:00.000-08:00

I've posted about these lashes before but I had a really bad picture of how they looked on me, and then I thought that I might aswell do a full review.

This is how they look:

I think that they look very cool for an everyday look, so I decided to buy them. This is how they look on me:

They give an edgy look and with lower lashes they will reach their full effect. I didn't think that I was going to get into false lashes again after Japan, but I did of course. Now I have to buy them via contacts from Japan. That's kind of hard, but I'll manage to get some lower lashes from Diamond Lashes.

Here's a short review of them:

+ They give an edgy look
+ They look somewhat natural, if you're looking for that
+ They can match almost every outfit

- They are hard to put on
- They can take time to put on

All in all grade: 4/5

I would like to buy these lashes again and I think that it can fit on almost everyone.
If you're looking for an edgy yet natural look with your lashes, buy these!

Review for Babyliss easy waves C260E

2012-01-14T12:07:00.000-08:00

As I told in my former entry I needed a new waving iron. I was going to pick a waving iron from the web, but then I realized that it would be expensive as hell with the shipping etc.
So, I saw this product in a department store and decided to buy it and try it out.

Here's the review:

Product name: Babyliss easy waves C260E

Description:

Professional double cylinders, diameter 15 mm
Professional long and wide wavy plate 57x100mm
Titan-ceramic surface plates and rollers for quick styling
200 °C max for smoothness & protection
Temperature control in three steps (160 ° - 180 ° -200 ° C)
Cool tip
Easy to use
Heat-resistant mat
Cable with swivel nozzle
On / off switch

I think that this product is easy to handle and gives a very good result. I've tried it on my sister and on my own hair and both of our hair got seriously fabulous. The max temperature is 200 but I think that it's OK because you can get waves faster by pressing.

The waves that are on the picture is the ones that I just made with this iron. They became really good.
The only minus thingie is that the chord is very short and I think that it should be very longer.

Summary:

+ Easy to handle
+ Good result
+ Good construction
+ Fast result

- Small chord
- Could be a little bit smaller
- Could go a little bit higher in the temperature

Overall grade: 8/10

This product was also chosen by the number one swedish hairsalon!

I would definetely recommend this product for anyone that wants wavy hair fast and with a good result. It was a little bit pricey but it was still worth it in my opinion.
Kisses and Hugs

Wave iron?

2012-01-13T08:29:00.000-08:00

Hello!
Today is Friday and believe it or not, it acctually got sunny! Still cold as hell, but sunny.

I've been really thinking about buying a wave iron as they're called and checked around at some websites. My mom wants her iron back which is the iron that I'm using at the moment.
I'm a little torn up on this one, because I don't know what wave iron I should pick, I was trying to find a wave iron from Japan, that didn't go to well.

It looks like a good investment, although there are some people who's reviews says that it sucks. I don't really know what to do, but I think that I will go for this one. What do you guys think, should I go for some other waver or buy this one?

As far as I've looked this one is good and cheap in most stores:

Description

Pulse Technology

Specialty Iron Barrel Style effortlessly creates natural-looking waves

Fast and steady uniform heat preset to perfect the temperature

Professional, super-deep precision-aligned barrels

Spring grip for easier use

High/Low/Off switch

Fold away safety stand

Power indicator light

Separate on/ off switch

Must have list from Ichibankao

2012-01-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

So I've been waiting to order things from ichibankao because they had a break over the holidays, but now they're back in buisness and I've almost chosen everything to order, I just want your opinion if it will fit on me or not. Please comment and share your opinion!

Here's the list:

Number 1:

I think that they will give the edgy look at the end of the eye that I want.

Number 2:

If this can make my nose look thinner. Then bring it on!

Number 3:

I'm kind of torn up on this one, the right one is Eyemazing Cosme line and the one to the left is Candy Doll
I'm looking for a pink that's not to thick and strong, yet not weak and faded.
What do you think? Which one do you think I should pick?

Let's calculate it shall we?

Eyelash: 195 SEK
Nose make-up: 175 SEK
Both lipglosses: 195 SEK (st)
Shipping (that I hope that my parents will pay): 30 SEK

Total: 595 SEK

I guess that it's very expensive, but if you don't live in Japan that's how you have to do. The funny thing is that this is probably the cheapest you can find. If they work good, then it's fine with me. After x-mas you have alot of money and this is a good way to spend them. Plus I need them! I will still have lots of money left though.

I need to go to bed now, since I haven't slept more than 10 hours in two days, or less.
Sleep well!
Kisses and Hugs

Pierced

2012-01-06T05:12:00.001-08:00

Just in the ears, but I hope nothing happens like last time!

Comfy clothes

2012-01-04T12:42:00.001-08:00

Today I went to the dentist and I was scared shitless at first, but I went through with it and after a shot of mouth numming (?) it actually didn't feel anything.
The dentist was very kind and patient with me and told me what she was doing and was very kind. The only thing that I hated was the sound from the drill because it was almost that you could imagine the pain from that sound. Fortunately, I didn't feel any pain, this time.

After the dentist I went to Felicia and went out for a walk with her and her boyfriend. It was really nice to see Felicia again after all these months. Since I've moved with my mom I only live some meters from her so I can see her a little bit often now, atleast I hope so.

Right now I'm just lying in my bed doing nothing, I guess that I will go to bed soon.

I'm wearing soft pants and a tank top right now. So comfy!

Sleep well
Kisses and Hugs

Dentist-phobia?

2012-01-03T15:01:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow I'm going to the dentist...and I'm about to freak out and panic!
I seriously hate the dentist! Every time I walk in there the panic is starting and I have trouble breathing. When the dentist looks at my teeth my heart is going ten times faster then it should and I'm so afraid that she will find a cavity and take out that awful drill! The worst part is when the drilling starts and the shot for making your mouth num (?) is not working. Even if you take it three times, three times! The pain that you feel is one of the worst feelings ever according to me. I've also had several nightmares about the dentist drilling in my teeth and I scream that they shall stop but nobody hears me.

Is this classified as dentist-phobia?

Got to get some sleep now.
Kisses and Hugs

X-mas gift arrived

2011-12-29T10:10:00.000-08:00

This necklace arrived today! I'm so happy, this is best motife (spelling?) for a necklace in years! I love it!

I haven't been able to blog now because I'm helping to move to another house with my mom. I'm so totally exausted! I will try to update as soon as possible, but right now I'm just too exausted to do it. We've been moving stuffs all day, ALL DAY.
It's worth it though, I get an own room and me and my sister get an own floor in our apartment/house. We even have our own bathroom with shower. It's only some days left and then we're done, with moving in that is.
Right now I'm going to take a shower and then just chill through the evening. Hope everybody is getting ready for new years eve.

Take care!
Kisses and Hugs

Merry x-mas

2011-12-24T12:53:00.000-08:00

I hope that you've all had a really good x-mas!
I've had a really cosy x-mas at home with my dad and siblings, although the day has been kind of fast I think, but I guess that it's x-mas.
I got this for x-mas:
Money
Books (Japanese fashion facts)
MP3
And then I will get more presents tommorrow now when my parents aren't living together.

Also, I tried the Diamond lashes today, and it was these that I tried

And this is how they look on me

I'm very pleased with the result, it looks better in real life you know.

I also tried my stitch kigurumi that I bought in Japan, and this is how that looked

It's so cosy and furry! I love it! I could walk around in that all day long!

Anyways, now i'm going to spend some time with my dad and siblings
Hope you will continue to have a great x-mas!
Kisses and Hugs

Happy birthday to cousin! (Confession time!)

2011-12-22T12:13:00.000-08:00

Today is my cousins birthday, he's now 10 years old, happy birthday to you!

We went to Gothenburg to celebrate him, me and my siblings. My bigsister pierced her belly-button today, I also want to do that! I can't because my parents won't allow me. It looked kind of grose when I the needle was through her skin but i've seen worse.
I want to pierce my self in the belly-button, lower lip (Geha style) and the nose. I'll have to wait for that until I turn 18 but as soon as I turn 18 i'm going to take those piercings. I don't know how much it will cost though.

My cousin recently got in to Word of Warcraft and he likes it.
Major confession time, I've been a Word of Warcraft nerd! A huge fan of World of Warcraft, that was some years back though, this is my gamer story:

2007: Starting to play World of Warcraft, have no idea what to do though.
2008: Learning a little more about World of Warcraft, soon playing it everyday everytime.
2009: Taking a break from World of Warcraft, playig it sometimes.
2010 to present: Not playing World of Warcraft at all

I have to admit that I still get a World of Warcraft craving and want to play it so badly, but then I think that I have better things to do. I don't want to get stuck in that again, because it's just not worth it. However, World of Warcraft was a huge part of my life and it will always have a place in my mind. Someday I might take it up again, only time will tell:

I still helped my cousin with the basics of the game just to get him started, I hope he doesn't get as wrapped up in it as I was some years ago.

Right now I'm just sitting by my aunts computer in soft pants and a "what the hell" t-shirt, I'm really tired and thirsty as hell. I think that I'm going to take a glass of water and then maybe go to bed.

Kisses and Hugs

New eyelash

2011-12-21T05:02:00.000-08:00

I just wish that I had some underlashes that could compensate, but I don't. As soon as I get money I will order from Ichibankao and possibly Pinky Paradise but I think that it's kind of expensive.
What do you guys think about these? Let me know!

Soon in x-mas, I'm excited, but I have no idea of what i'm going to get. I hope that I get what I wished for.
I prefer giving money away, because then the person will decide what he/she wants. It's like, you don't really know for sure if that person will like it, but when you give away money, the person will buy what they wished for. People think that the true meaning of x-mas is ruined, but I don't think so because, money is a gift. You can give away money, I think that it's smarter to do that because most of the people want money so they can buy what they like.

Do you think it's okey to give money away, or do you think that the meaning of x-mas is destroyed?

Motivate what you think, because I would love to hear from another point of view.

Kisses and Hugs

Today's outfit and other thoughts

2011-12-19T08:45:00.000-08:00

This is my outfit for the day, I have jeansshort under there so don't worry.
Anyways, this is a quite simple outfit, yet kind of cute I think. This is the sweater that I got from my aunt from Saturday, I love it!

I also decided to try out the simple yet cute gyaru bun now that I have the hair to do so. It was a very hard thing to do since my hair was not doing what I wanted the whole time. Yet I managed to pull it together.

What's been up lately, nothing acctually and that's why I now post about make-up and stuff. I hope you guys wont mind.
I talked to Yuri recently and she offered to buy me things from japan and then ship to me, thank you so much, I really appreciate it! I will buy Diamond lashes since that's the best brand, I really wished that I would've done that in Japan, but I didn't.

This post is so totally pointless when I think about it, I will post something more meaningful tommorrow.

Kisses and Hugs

Inspiration post (or something like that)

2011-12-17T12:16:00.000-08:00

First I just want to start of with the really cute sweater that my aunt came with today, I was so really happy to get it and it's so totally me!

The quality is not the best but i'm sure that you can see how it looks, I love it, it's just too adorable!

Anyways, back to the subject of this post.

I've been looking in egg for some weeks now and decided to try out regular gyaru, now that I don't have the time to do manba. I don't want to do normal gyaru either, a little darker and a little bit heavier make-up.
So I started to look in egg (I bought a magazine in Japan) and I decided to try it out.
I have no idea about famous gyarus at all! I just know Tsubasa Masukawa. I've been looking on the web for some gyaru make-up and I found an egg model (I think) who had such a pretty make-up!

My inspirational egg model is besides Gehako who's number one and will always be. I girl that I really like is せりかまちょ (Serikamacho,Serika, Serichan etc.)

せりかまちょ

I know that Purikura makes your eye ALOT bigger but her eyes are like massive. The thing is that on this picture, it's not even edited that much. She really has big eyes like that in reality, with make-up on of course. I've been looking on different gyaru tutorials, and they clearly have the same goal to make their eyes look bigger. This girl has clearly succeded! I think that she is really cute!

She is my gyaru inspiration because I think her make-up is not like the others. Does anybody know how I can get eyes like this, what lashes she might be using and what lenses etc?
Please tell me, I really want to try gyaru out! I will always love Manba though!

Kisses and Hugs

Wavy hair

2011-12-15T03:22:00.000-08:00

I was requested by Sofia Uhr to take a picture of my wavy hair.

Here is a picture of me with the wavy hair.

She also said that I could try to make a small wing with liquid eyeliner at the end of the eye which will make my eyes to appear bigger.
I had to try it, and here is the result:

The black at the bottom is not supposed to be there, but I had just coughed my lungs of so I got watery eyes.

This is how it looks from a distance, sorry I had no better picture and I haven't got the time to take a new one, so this is the picture I got, my extensions look really torn here, but I promise you that's not how the look in real life

To Sofia: I hope you don't mind me linking to your blog, and thank you for the suggestions!

Please comment and give suggestions, I'd love to hear them!
Kisses and Hugs

Waiting for some sunshine

2011-12-14T03:33:00.000-08:00

Right now i'm sitting in my room in school and waiting for some sunshine.
It's been raining for almost a week now so sunshine would be very welcome. It acctually came a little bit of sun today and i'm very happy for it, but then the clouds came and took over. I guess that I have to wait until the sun comes again, atleast now I know it's still there.

So what's been going on in my life, nothing lately acctually. My cousin and aunt is coming to visit us this weekend which will be pleasant.
Today we had some christmas preperation in school, it was kind of fun, but nothing I would do every week. We baked gingerbreads, but I didn't because I just ate the dow. I mean, it's the dow that's good, it's better then the gingerbreads atleast! I always eat my dow and I don't give a fuck about gingerbreads.
Am I the only one doing this?

Anyhow, after that we went to do some handmade things for christmas. I didn't do anything, I was to tired to care, so I drew a picture instead. The teachers said that it was as good as making something, so why not?

It was christmas food at my school today, but i didn't want to eat, am I the only one who acctually doesn't like christmas food? I don't like anything of it, accept the eggs with kaviar.
I mean, everybody is like OMG CHRISTMAS HAM! but I don't see the point of it, it still taste the same and ham is not good if you ask me.
Anyways, my teacher said that I could do some math instead, does he really think that I'm going to? I don't think so. I hate math and why would I do it by my own free will. No sir, I will not.

After school today i'm going to bye eyelash glue and then sit on a bus for 30 minutes or something like that, but if you have someone to talk to I have no problem sitting there, acctually it's kind of cosy.

Anyways (I say that alot don't I?) I hope you will have a good day!
Kisses and Hugs

Recent pictures

2011-12-10T13:10:00.000-08:00

Okey, so this is how I look right now in different steps.
I'm sorry for the quality of the pictures but it was taken with my cellphone which is not the best, the light wasn't the best either in some pictures, but you can atleast see something:

This is how I look with no make-up and unfixed hair, it's just extensions in it at this picture

This is what I use to make my hair wavy and I'm sure that many of you gals have seen it earlier

And after some time with this thing my hair got wavy, although I forgot to take a picture of it but I'm sure you can imagine how it looks.

This is how my make-up looks right now. I use false lashes at the top and mascara at the bottom. Eyeliner,eyeshadow and a silver pen that I got from Yunkeru. This is the first time that I tried this particular make-up, but i've only had some other lashes at the top before. My lower lashes broke because it was crappy quality, but I will buy some new ones, until then I have to use mascara.

NOTE: I've not done my make-up at this moment, i've worn it for some hours!

And this is how it looks from a distance, please note that this is my first time doing this particular make-up style. Anyways, this is how I look at the moment make-up and hair-wise, tommorrow I will possibly post some more pictures since I'm going to Gekås with Mathea and littlesister.

Kisses and Hugs

Rapunzel of Sweden

2011-12-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

So today I got my new fake hair from Rapunzel of Sweden!

I love that website, it's cheap and you always get what you pay for.
I bought 60cm lightest blonde hair extensions, a clip on set and I have to say that it looks pretty good, although I'm thinking about getting a hairstyle that Yunkeru had, I need your opinion!

This hairstyle is extremely cute and I really want to try bangs, but I don't know if it would fit on me.

I haven't post a picture of myself lately, but I promise that I will to get a recent picture of me as soon as possible. I will do it before this week ends, I hope.
Anyways, since I haven't blogged in a while I guess this can be a short post, but ohwell.

Give me your opinion!
Kisses and Hugs

Rapunzel of Sweden website (also ship to other countries)
|
|
V

Click here!

Under construction

2011-12-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

Just so you know, this blog is not dead and I'm not dead either.
I will try to update a little more this week, and I will also try to make a new design. If I don't update, then you can say that this blog is under construction at the moment.
Either way, It's not dead.
Kisses and Hugs

Purikura post! (sorry for bad quality)

2011-10-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

Japan update, pictures!

2011-10-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

In Japan!

2011-10-27T23:46:00.000-07:00

Sitting at my hotel in Tokyo!
I can not believe that i am acctually here. This is totally insane.
I will update more later! Got things to do!
Kisses and Hugs

Airport

2011-10-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

So now I'm sitting at an airport in Amsterdam. I don't have so much time to write so I'll just sum it up.
I flew for the first time today! Horay for me!
Our flight had been cancelled so we have to take another one and that means we have to wait for 3 hours. Un-yay for that.
The flight will take 9 ½ hours to Tokyo.
I'll update when I'm at the hotel!

Kisses and Hugs

Things that can make your day brighter

2011-10-21T12:42:00.000-07:00

Now i'm sitting at my dads, I don't have my own computer so i'll try to stay short for today. You know, I don't like when everything I write is wide open, atleast not until i've published it, because I might erease some things and such.
Anyways, today I woke up with the feeling that is was a stone in my head. I was thinking about going back to sleep because of the fact that I felt completely braindead. I mean even more so then usual. I couldn't get my thoughts straight and everything was just a big blur in my head. I hate that feeling, the feeling of not having control at all. It feels like you're a little doll and somebody else is controlling you. I guess that the main fear that I have is loosing control, and I have no idea of how or when i'm going to. That's the thing, I don't know if I'm going to loose control or just stay the same. I can't trust myself.
I can't trust myself with what I say either, because I can say something really wrong without even thinking about it, I guess that's one of the Asperger problems but then again, I should've thought it through. I might say something that pisses people of without even realize it, so that's why I double think everything before I say it.

A typical stereotype about Asperger is that we are not social and we like to be alone. I have Aspergers and I'm a very social person if I do say so myself. I like talking to people and I want to meet people as often as possible. I have a hard time trying to make eye contact, but after a little practice, it's not so bad anymore. I like being social and people with Aspergers can be social.
Many of them are not, but there are some people who acctually are.
I need to have other people, because people that are funny makes me happy, and people that are nice makes me happy. I don't feel good being all isolated and cut of from reality, I feel bad, really bad, because I want to go out and meet people. I know inside my heart that I want it, because I need people, more then the people who I'm friends with will ever understand.
I hope that I cleared up some stereotypical thoughts now, and I hope that those people who I stand close to understand how much they mean to me, without you I would feel 1000000 times worse then what I do know.
Thank you!

Anyways, back to the Friday, after school I went and got my two happypills that made my day a little bit brighter then what it was, so I will introduce you to them:

Number 1:

The tanning booth, if you haven't try it, do try. Even if you don't believe that it's going to work, trust me, you will feel much better and much warmer and more cozy.
I highly recommend you to go to the tanning salon if you feel bad because the light is something we all need in my opinion.
NOTE: This can't be done on a daily basis due to the risk of skin cancer. It can be done atleast 3 times a week for 20 minutes.

Number 2:

Your favourite food! I know that it might cost alot of cash but I promise that you will feel a bit better with your favourite food.
NOTE: This can't be done on a daily basis unless your very rich and your favourite food isn't something unhealthy. It's a good thing to do at certain times.

Well, that's how I do when I feel down, and it usually helps for me. I hope I helped atleast somebody to give them some tips on what they can do when they feel bad.

Tommorrow I'm going to Annie's house. She's such a cute and fun person, I always laugh with her.
Well, have a great Friday!
Kisses and Hugs

Ondskan (Evil) 2003

2011-10-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

So, today we were watching a movie called Ondskan, in swedish, Evil in english. I don't know why we were going to watch it, but I got out of gym class so I don't mind. I think that it was for the swedish, I mean the subject. It was supposed to be a thing that you have to do for the grade. Then we were going to discuss the movie, but i'll tell you about it at first:

This movie takes place in 1960's
This movie is about a young man named Eric. He lives with his mother and stepdad in an apartment. His stepdad punish when he gets mad. He's really mean and is never satisfied with Eric, so he keeps on whipping him with his belt.

The mother doesn't do anything about it because she's afraid of the stepdad, so she just sits down, playing the piano while you can hear the whipping in the background.
Eric behaves really bad at the school he goes to, beats up people and such. He gets expelled, and moves to another school which is a boarding school for boys.

To get in to the school you must be a rich bitch.
The school, I don't know the name, is runned by the students themself because the teachers are to fucked up to care. The system of the school is basically that you have to do as you're told by the older students. If you don't, you get slapped, punched and possibly beaten down. They have a thing called the box where two of the older student are beating up a guy until he begs for mercy and crawls out.

This is basically the plot for the whole movie, and how he will survive this school.
I think that it was a very good movie, to be swedish. It had very good actors and a very nice script. The only thing that annoys me is that the teachers doesn't react, not an only teacher! That made me annoyed because in reality the teachers would react. That bugged me.
The movie has some very strong scenes of basiclly torture, which made me feel sad. I don't like those movies when you have to see things like that. I just feel so bad.
I text messaged with Felicia during the movie which was good because then I had something to do.

Overall, I think that this movie was very good and I recommend you to see it even if you're not Swedish.

ONE WEEK LEFT TO TOKYO!

Koda Kumi - Walk

2011-10-18T00:51:00.000-07:00

It’s OK to take detours
As long as you keep your eyes on your dream
The place you end up
Will surely be a memory you’ll never forget

If you sing a song
Then all those smiles
And today and tomorrow
And everything will be imprinted in you

You’ll keep walking
You’ll keep singing
Even if a harsh reality is waiting for you
I’m sure you’ll keep going
While you get hurt
And while you’re sad
And while you’re happy
There’ll only be one road you must take

There were things you began to give up on…
You came to a halt, unable to see forward

The most important thing
Is the feeling
That if you keep believing
Things will always work out

You’ll start walking again
You’ll start singing again
I doubt you’ll have any regrets
Even though that place isn’t near at all
You’ll keep looking at it
And walk towards it without hesitation
You’ll make music
As you walk that single road

You’ll keep walking
You’ll keep singing
Even if a harsh reality is waiting for you
I’m sure you’ll keep going
While you get hurt
And while you’re sad
And while you’re happy
There’ll only be one road you must take

Cute shopping

2011-10-14T14:23:00.000-07:00

Hello, so today I haven't been doing alot. School was the same boring shit as it always is, we had biology, AGAIN. I couldn't care less about some stupid bird and where they come from and how their skeleton look and how they eat and stuff. Luckily I had some other students so we could talk and laugh together, it was acctually a little bit fun, but that's only because they were there.
We talked about giraffe and that when they give birth their baby drops from the mothers ass, and it's like a one meter fall, like "WELCOME TO THE WORLD." I literally laughed my head of when someone said that in class.
Haha I'm sounding so blonde right now, but what the hell, I'm blonde.

I'm falling asleep now so I need to short this post down a bit.
Anyways, I found this really cute sweater my mom will buy me, but there's a twist, I found two super cute sweaters and now I don't know which one i'm going to buy.

Just because I was bored and felt like being a little bit un-serious I putted trollface on the pictures!

Anyways, these are the two sweaters that I have to choose between and I can't make up my mind. I'm thinking about the pink one, but i'm not really sure.
I love how they are so cute yet sexy, and warm!

Which one? I need your help!
Kisses and Hugs
Sleep well

One By One Review

2011-10-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Time for my second review, and this time it's One by one that is the subject.
I had tried this mascara before I bought it, and thought it was good, but there are some few faults that you should know before you buy this mascara.
Here is me with the mascara on, in high definition!

This mascara is the first one in the volume express series that has a thick brush which makes it easier to handle the mascara. It takes some practice to handle this brush but you learn after a couple of times and then it's very useful. I personally think that straight brushes are the easiest ones though.
Anyways, it's called one by one for a certain reason, it's supposed to make the lashes longer and thicker one by one.
It does make your eyelashes longer, it really does an excellent job at that part. When it comes to seperate the lashes however it's not doing such a great job with the upper lashes (look at the picture) so I think that before you use this mascara, you'll have to seperate your lashes.
If you want the lashes to be seperated, you have to put some effort to it.

However it does do a good job overall, it makes your lashes more edgy then any of the mascaras i've tested and edgy lashes are in style now. By edgy I mean not totally seperated, a little bit of clumps and, well, almost as the picture.
Overall it's a really good mascara and ones you get the hang of how the brush works, you will have edgy lashes and an edgy look!

I would deffinetly recommend it!

Now for the quick plus and minus for those who don't have time to read or just want a short version:

Plus:
+ Your lashes gets really long
+ Smart brush
+ Gives an edgy look

Minus:
- Does not seperate lashes so good
- Takes a couple of times to learn how to use it correctly

Overall grade: 4/5
As I said, a mascara well worth it's money.
If you're looking for an edgy look and some edgy lashes this mascara does the perfect job!

Fucked up poetry

2011-10-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

Make-up is like a mask
The mask is a cover
A cover from the real world
Where the danger lurks
In the shadows
Cover it all up
Nobody will see
The face behind the make-up
Nobody will see
The tears that you cry
Nobody will see
The pain and suffering
Make-up is like a mask
Nobody will see
Nobody will ever see
Your real face

A picture says more than thousand words

2011-10-09T11:33:00.001-07:00

Today's outfit

2011-10-07T06:22:00.000-07:00

So this is my outfit today.

Sweater: It's my mum's
Basic tank top: H&M
Leggings: H&M

It's not that much but I like this outfit, it's simple and cute.

Nothing has happened so far on this Friday, nothing unusual that is. I was at school and it was kind of boring, the weather was shifting from one thing to another. I hate it when it goes like that, when you're ready to get outside in the sun and then you're soaked by the rainfall that decided to come.
I'm very affected by the weather, but I think that everyone does that.
I had Biology class in school today, and seriously I couldn't care less! Who the hell cares about where we come from? It's nothing you're going to need in real life. It's nothing you use in society, except if you're going to read the proffessor education or something like that.

"Hey, how are you?"
"Good, you?"
"Good, my cells are a little dry because of the atoms that is the air"
"Yeah mine to, I wish I was a thing with only one cell"
"Me to"

You're never going to use biology in real life, I mean seriously, what's the point?

You know, sometimes I think that the bus company wants to mess with us youth. Everyday there goes a bus which is un-direct to the place you're going to and one that's direct, except Friday. That's the day everybody just wants to get home, so they've putted the fucked up bus times there just to mess with us. I hate the bus company, they're never in time and they always make drama. Some of them are nice but some of them are very rude and bitchy. One time Felicia has forgot her card that get's her to school by the bus so she asked nicely;

F: I've forgotten my card, can I go anyway?
B: No, without card you can't
F: Okey, but I don't have time to go back and get my card because I need to go on this bus.
B: Well you have to go and get it
F: But I won't make it to this bus
B: No we can't stand here all day

I payed for Felicias trip. I hate that bus driver and I hope that I never have to go with him again.

Tommorrow Mathea comes!

Anyways, this was just a complain post I guess. I sound like a whiny bitch, but sometimes you have to be that.
Ohwell, have a great Friday!
Kisses and Hugs
Coming:
Since my mascara is running out I will buy One by One from Maybelline and do a review on it.

Hamster baby

2011-10-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

Furious

2011-10-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

Now I'm Furious! Furious and even more furious.
Felicia wrote on her blog that her 15 year old brother came home with a note that said:

"Very little or no cooking fat on the sandwich, and certainly not butter"
and
"No more than one slice of cheese on sandwiches, preferably none"
"Never or very rarely, have some yogurt and sour - and in that case of thin set"
"Do not eat the sauce with your food"
"Not eating meat and pork more than once a week"
"Eating high-calorie things like pastries and chocolate more than once a week"

Translation by Google Transelate

What the fucking hell?! Is this something you send out to teenagers! Teenagers!
Imagane an insecure teenager getting this list and starts to follow this list like it was life. She/He gets thinner, and thinner, and people don't understand why.
The list is programmed in to the brain and breaking that list would be a huge crime.
Food becomes bad, food becomes poison.

What kind of person would write this, and what kind of person would print it and give it to schools?!
If any of the students from Lagaholmsskolan that has this list;
DO NOT FOLLOW THIS! THROW IT AWAY!
Felicia and I are going to the principal as soon as possible to tell her what we think.

It won't be pretty, but this list is not pretty at all.

At the bus

2011-10-05T07:30:00.001-07:00

&lt;p&gt;&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;&amp;lt;p/&amp;gt;&amp;lt;/div&amp;gt;&lt;/p&gt;
This is how fun you can have at the bus with Felicia and Anna

Thank you

2011-10-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

My blog now has 10.003 views! Thank you for visiting and reading my blog, it really means alot to me.
So, I decided to do a little giveaway:

Kyon (AngeleeK) albums

This is a site that I found some months ago, and it's a list of all of Kyon's albums! The sha-page one doesn't work due to problems with their server, but I hope that you guys will enjoy!

Keep up the good work!

Kisses and Hugs!

Loneliness

2011-10-01T14:21:00.001-07:00

The worst kind of destruction for a human

Jeremias and Lollo

2011-09-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

So, today I went to meet Jeremias and his friend Lollo. We went to a little café and talked a little, it was so cosy and they were so nice. They are so cute!
I would really like to meet them again. It was good to come out a little bit, otherwise I wouldn't have done that this weekend. Tommorrow is going to be nice weather, so maybe I will go out for a walk and head down to the tanning salon.
Anyways, here are some pictures from the day (please excuse my looks):

In shock, but in a good way

2011-09-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

I'm still trying to get it, but I can't believe it;
I was sitting at the busstop and putting my lipstick on. Next to me was young indian woman, we didn't have so much contact. When I was done with my lips and layed down the mirror in my purse. After one minute the you indian woman turned to me and said with a smile:
Her: You're so beautiful!
I was shocked, nobody has ever said that to me before, so I was totally shocked.
Me: Seriously?
Her: Yes!
Me: Seriously?
Her: Yes! Hasn't anyone told you that you are beutiful.
Me: Yes but that's just my mom and dad. A part from that, no.
Her: But don't you notice how everyone looks at you when you pass them, that's because you're so beautiful!
I literally sat with my mouth wide open and staring at her with eyes big as UFO:s.
Me: Oh my gosh, thank you! Thank you so much! That totally made my day, if not the week, thank you so much!
She smiled.
Her: You're welcome.

I didn't know what to say, I didn't understand that it acctually happen, I still don't get it. This is the first time a total stranger said that to me. I regret that I didn't say that se was also beautiful, but I was literally speechless.
I don't know if she was lying, and I don't know if I can trust her, but still it was a nice compliment to get!
So I just wanted to say, if you might read this.
Thank you so very much

New shoes

2011-09-27T06:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was out and I found these shoes, and I totally love them! They are a little hard to walk in, but you'll learn. My feet is kind of sore for walking in those shoes, but what the hell. They were on sale so I just had to have them!
What do you think?

Fuck my life, again!

2011-09-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

Today was picture day, and as the retard I am I forgot it, so I showed up in a pair of soft pants and a tank top. When I heard that it was picture day I totally freaked out but of course I couldn't do my make-up because I was late.
I didn't want to take the picture, but I said that I wanted too because of mom and dad, they always say that it's good to save memories, so I wanted to make them happy and took the damn picture.
Guess what?!
I was standing in the middle and I looked like a fucking overweight wale! GOD I LOOKED FUCKING DISGUSTING! OH MY GOD! WHY DID I AGREED TO TAKE THE PICTURE?! WHY?!
I regret it so much right now! I hate myself so much! I'm so ugly!
FML

The anxiety you can't get away

2011-09-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

There are different kinds of anxiety, there's a light anxiety which you can have for only a few minutes and then it's gone. There's the nervous anxiety that makes you want to throw up and makes your stomach hurt. There's fear anxiety when you can't breathe and feel like you're going to pass out because it suddenly feels like your brain has stopped. And there is the final part of anxiety, the inner anxiety, the deep one. Inner anxiety, that's so deep that it can't be chased away and it can't dissapear. When you feel like someones digging inside of you and you can't stop it, you feel so empty, so dead, yet so alive. When you feel like your mind is raped and you can't do anything about it, when a big lump is in your throat but you just can't press out the tears. When you're on the edge of passing out, but you can't. When you want to go out, but you just can't, because you don't want to infect the world. When the smallest thing can be the biggest trouble for you.

I'm so sorry Felicia! It's not that I don't want to be with you! I just feel this way right now and I don't want to infect you. I know that you're also kind of unstable right now, but please forgive me! It has nothing to do with you an I hope you know that! We'll meet up tommorrow, I promise you! I promise Felicia! Please forgive me! Remember you're like the sister I never had and I love you <3

I can't stand this, I really can't. My heart is beating at the speed of light and i'm so warm, my body temperature is so high. I don't know what to do! My heart is going to explode!
This is what it's like ot have anxiety, it seriously sucks!
I CAN'T STAND THIS FUCKING FEELING!
HELP ME!!!

Jumpsuit VS Kigurumi

2011-09-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

This is the new jumpsuit that my mom bought for me yesterday on the internet. I'm so happy! I rarely get new clothes like that so my mom thought that if I use it, it will be worth the money. Mom, I'm going to use it every evening, it's like going around in a pjyamas all the time! Somedays i might be to lazy so I might go around in it on the streets.
I just figured that it's like a Kigurumi, except Kigurumis are alot cuter! I mean they are the same thing, I would want a Kigurumi but they don't excist in Sweden. Well, there's one place but it costs like 800 SEK. Fuck no! I like Kigurumis, but not that much!

Also there are Kigurumis to buy on Ebay but my parents don't believe in internet shopping. I say that it's good, cheap and safe. They won't believe me, they say that the toll is so high, eventhough a Kigurumi doesn't carry so much weight. I mean, if you buy from a seller that has very high rating and positive feedback there's nothing to be afraid of. I also don't want to buy heavy stuff, I just want to buy Kigurumis, fake lashes and things that just way a few grams.
Can you give me some good tips on how I can convince my parents that ebay is safe?

Now i'm at school, going to a camp for one night, and i'm so super scared, I hate the forest, because there are NO real toilets, NO internet and NOONE can hear you scream if you need help.
It sucks, but atleast I get Friday off. I will write more about it tommorrow, I think.
Kisses and Hugs

Barbie pink lips

2011-09-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

I so need this lipstick! I've never seen that color on a lipstick before! I so really want it! It's perfect Barbie Pink. It's kind of expensive, but according to the reviews it's worth it. If it's expensive it's worth the money, i've never really heard of that brand before though, lime crime. I have to say that I seriously love this lipstick!
Lime Crime HP

Tommorrow my aunt and cute cousin is coming and we're going to my other cousins to celebrate a birthday. I don't even like those cousins, they're total bitches and so dumb. My cousins dad thinks that the technology in CSI is real. I mean, seriously.
I guess I will write more tommorrow, right now I just want to go to bed.
Kisses and Hugs

Acting

2011-09-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

Today at the acting class we were working with emotions. The whole class started pretty okey, we were supposed to walk around and observe the body language that you use for a different emotions. We were working with the four ground feelings which is:
Fear
Sorrow
Joy
Anger
Those are the four ground feelings that we were supposed to work with. Anger I can act pretty good, although i'm almost never angry, or, I guess cranky, but I mean not like "I want to kill someone" angry. I just don't have that feeling inside me, or, I guess I have but it doesn't come out that easy.
When we made the feeling sorrow I felt like my whole body just losed all it's energy and all my memories from the past started to haunt me. Everytime i've felt sad it's been evolved to anxiety.
When we were supposed to be happy I just putted on a fake smile and started going around and dance a little. I'm good at fake smiles, because that's what i've been doing for the last years, that's what i'm really good at, to fake a smile.

Then we were supposed to do sculptures, show and tell of a moment when we've felt fear. I don't know why I did this, but when I hear the word fear I just think of this moment. This moment was earlier this year, in March I think.
I was in school when I just felt something, someone was watching me. Someone was watching every move I do and the person wanted to get rid of me. I felt the pressure build up in my body and my breathing started to get heavier. My school was two houses, so I went to a different building and called my mom. Before I called her I started to hear whispering around me, it was something that I couldn't understand. They were whispering together, they were whispering at me, to me.
The person who followed me was in this room, in that room that I was in. I went down on the floor, hyperventilating and I called my mom. I begged her to get me, I was crying. The whispering got heavier.
"PLEASE MOM COME AND GET ME! SOMEONES FOLLOWING ME!"
I remember screaming to the phone, the tears were rolling down my cheeks. I looked around and started to see eyes and faces around me, and I thought that I was going to die. I was staring in the eyes of death.
Eventually mother came and took me home, and then some days later, I was hospitalized.

When I told this I realised that it wasn't such a good idea. I don't want to make people sad, I don't like that. I could see on their faces, they became sad, their eyes became sad.
I was on the edge of falling down crying as hell, but I said to myself that i'm feeling much better know, and i'm not planning on going back to that moment!
I said that out loud too, and I think that it maybe cheered them up.
I'm so terribly sorry you guys, I shouldn't have brought it up.

Now i'm at home with the anxiety digging inside of me, but I took medicine and feeling a better now.
I just hope that I can sleep tonight.
Kisses and Hugs

Shit

2011-09-13T00:51:00.000-07:00

As you may have read in the headline i'm not happy.
I feel like shit today and I have no idea of why, maybe it's because that it's raining every fucking day! I hate autumn, it just rains and rains and rains. I get so depressed when autumn comes, it just turn grey, everything turns grey and just pure unhappy. I'm so sick of it already!
I haven't slept good at all tonight, and I overslept AGAIN! Omg I hate everything today, I just want to be alone and sleep. I want it to be sunny tommorrow, but NO, then the rain is coming, AGAIN! I hate this fucking weather! Autumn go fuck yourself!
Fuck my life

New design

2011-09-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

I thought that it was time for a new design, so, here it is!
What do you think?

It's FRIDAY FRIDAY I COUGHT A COLD ON FRIDAY!

2011-09-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

As you may see in the headline, I've got a cold. I hate it, but lucky for me it's just a little one and I have just an itsy bitsy type of fever.
Today my littlesisters family is going to eat with us. I just want to sleep!
Tommorrow Mathea comes! And I don't care if I have alot of fever, she IS coming.

This was kind of unneseccary (?) post, I don't really know why I posted it.
Ohwell.
Kisses and Hugs

This needs to be STOPPED

2011-09-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

Look at these three girls. Do they look fat? Do they look overweight? No they don't atleast not in my eyes, and with some extensions and a little make-up and clothes they can be beautiful all three of them. I think that they're just in the normal size and it doesn't need to change, they look beautiful!
They didn't think so:

Look at it! Look at them! This is when they've lost weight. That does not look healthy, if I would see them on the street I would think that they were suffering from an eating disorder. A very serious one too!
They don't look good, they look sick, they look underweight and anorexic! It was nothing wrong with them at first, they were more beautiful back then, now they just look sick!
I don't want to hear any: Oh but Asians have smaller bone structure and they're slimmer than the other "races." Yes that might be, BUT, all "races" has smallboned people and some all small framed! That doesn't mean that you have to look sick! I mean, slim is one thing, but this is just sick, it's disgusting!
If they would've posed diffrent at the "before" pic they would've looked like just normal girls with nice bodies to the Japanese crowd.
If they wanted to be slimmer, 5kg would be okey, then they would be slim, but 30kg or 20kg, that's just to much.

I also wonder how the girls lost all that weight? Did they starve themselves?

It's sad, really, because young teens read this and might be getting some ideas that are not so good on dieting. They will get stuck in HELL! I can promise you that, because I had an eating disorder two years ago, and i'm still not healthy! Not psychically I mean. You can never get those minds of your head one you've started. My friend (Felicia) got anorexia a while ago, and I know that she's gone through hell!

These are just the things that trigger young girls into dangerous dieting! This needs to be STOPPED!

Credit for the pics: Tirin's blog

Tokyo Catwalk

2011-09-07T03:20:00.000-07:00

Enter

I'm now an official fashion journalist for the Tokyo Catwalk online magazine. It will be so much fun to have something to do, although it's free. I hope that we can get some sponsors and then I will maybe get paid for it. My first job, or something like that.
Anyhow, I will write about Manba, Banba, Tsuyome etc. I will put a bar and a link on my blog soon so that you can get to the magazine website and check on some articles.

I will try to do the best as I can, I will be posting:
Make-up tutorials
Hair tutorials
Nail styles
Tanning advices
Coordinations for Manba,Banba,Tsuyome etc.

I hope that it'll be fun!
Thank you once again Kacie!
Kisses and Hugs

Lash Architect 4D review

2011-09-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

Okey, so L'Oréal released a new mascara a while back. The mascaras name is Lash Architect 4D
To be totally honest with you guys I honestly didn't thought about buying the mascara since it's so fucking expensive. My mom tried it and didn't like it because it was something with her eyes, anyways, she gave it to me since I wanted to try it.
This mascara is definetely worth all it's money, you get long lashes after only 3 "drafts." I love this mascara and I have to say that it's the best one i've ever tried and i've tried many mascaras!

Here are the plus and minus with this mascara:

+ It's easy to handle
+ Really long lashes!
+ Easy to remove
+ Cool bottle
+ Smart brush

- Gets kind of clumpy (you can fix that quite easy though)

Grade: 4.5/5

Japan's answer to Lady Gaga

2011-08-31T11:53:00.000-07:00

The girl with the blonde hair calls herself the japanese answer to Lady gaga. I don't think she looks one bit like her, but she sure is pretty! Her hair is to die for!

So, today has nothing special happened, i've been to school and had a really boring time. Oh, yeah I went to acting class to find out which group I will begin in and stuffs like that. The acting teacher didn't recognize me at all, she was rather surprised that it was me, but I can't blame her, i've changed alot since I last saw her.
It will be fun to start in an acting class, I like to act, and I just found out that it will be a play which was written by a swedish writer. The year 2012 it will be exactly 100 years since he died, so I guess that it's a tribute.
I have no idea about who this guy is and I know nothing about what he's written or anything like that.
Although the acting teacher read a short novel from him, and it was really well made! It was a short novel, but it was almost to read a whole book. It was really beautiful.
I admire people who can write so beautiful things on one A4 paper. It's an art, and I bet that it takes time to learn it.
Everytime I write a story I have the ability to make it so much longer than it has to be, and that makes some problems because I have to do other things in school, but I just can't write short stories. I think short stories are so hard to write, and I work really hard on getting it as short as I can.

Do you like to write stories,poetry etc?

Tommorrow it's time to cut off the rotten hair that I got and bleach it and then put in extensions. I'm so excited yet nervous. I promise to upload some pics from that day and how it turned out.
Kisses and Hugs

Tokyo map

2011-08-29T01:54:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone

So, now i'm sitting at school and acctually I have nothing to write but I will try to think of something.
They've given me the permission to blog during my english, which is really good, then I can do something that I think is fun and I get english aswell.

Anyhow, as you might know i'm going to Tokyo in 2 months. I've been looking for some good maps to follow but never really succeded, but I've made a plan of places we're going to visit. If you have some information about where i can find a good Tokyo map please tell me!
I've decided that a whole day in Japan will go to the Purikura! It will be so fun!
I have no idea of where the purikura machines are though, from what i've read, the purikura machines are in special halls somewhere in Shibuya and in Harajuku. I get happy just thinking about that i'm acctually going to Tokyo, i've wanted it since 4 years ago.
Me and bigsis are living at a tiny hotel called Oak hotel and I don't know where it is located acctually, I think that it's quite central. It was the cheapest hotel to find and I don't mind if it's tiny, i'm not going to spend much time in my room anyway.

If you have any good shops that I can visit or something like that please tell me!
Kisses and Hugs

Shallow?

2011-08-26T00:52:00.000-07:00

You might be pissed when I write this post. I don't care acctually, because this is how I feel.

Since my post that was called Explination, the whole Gaijin Gyaru community has left me. Everyone, seriously! When I changed my profile pic, someone from the Gaijin Gyaru community likes or comments. Now, when I changed to this profile pic, nobody cares, atleast not from the Gaijin Gyaru community.
That makes me wonder, is all of my Gaijin Gyaru friends really interested in get to knowing me, or is it just because it's my style.
I add people because i want to know them and that they seem like a cool person, but I wonder if you guys are doing the same.

It's same thing here btw, everytime I write about Manba or have a pic of Manba or something like that, I get atleast one comment. When I write something out of my depression, nobody cares. This blog is my way to write about how i feel but if nobody cares then I don't know acctually.

If you don't want to talk to me right now, then GTFO because I have no time for fake people.
That's just shallow.

Kisses and Hugs

Blogging at school

2011-08-23T00:35:00.000-07:00

Now i'm at school, bloggong once again. Since school is about to start I thought that I maybe could pick up the blogging while i'm at it.

I'm trying to work, but i can't, I really can't, I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't work. I don't have the concentration or the motivation to work. I have no intention of working what so ever. I'm trying to study math, but it's like nothing is coming out of my head. The numbers are just plain and I can't focus on anything. I just want to hang out with some friends and laugh, but I can't work. I guess everybody have these days, and I hope I will get over it, but right now, I couldn't care less about working to be honest.
I have days when i'm just so plain that I can't even describe it, I have no motivation for anything. My motivation is just gone, gone and gone. I'm just tired and angry at everything and everyone, I don't know why acctually. I have no fucking idea.

As you might have noticed, under the summer i've been a little lasy when it comes to blogging, but I will write atleast one post a day, if you care to read.
I've noticed that since I took a break from the Manba style everyone has treated me diffrently, I mean, nobody talks to me anymore. I guess i'm just anti-social aswell. I'm trying to get more social, but it's hard. It's very hard for someone with Aspergers to be social, I don't know why but I guess that it's something in the brain that doesn't want to work.
The problem is that I really want to be social and have a social life, I just don't know how to do. People with Aspergers don't have the social codes that everyone else has, we have to practice, it doesn't come natural to us.

Gah I want to go home, I just want to lay in my bed and float away.
FUCK THIS!
Kisses and Hugs

Explination

2011-08-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

Me and Mathea

Okey, so you might wonder if I haven't updated my blog in like a month. Here's the explination:

I'm going through a emotional, very emotional period in my life right now. My mood is swifting like the girls of Charlies Angels are changing clothes. One day/hour/minute I can be really happy and the next day/hour/minute I can be on the edge of suecide. If you think i'm kidding, then just shut the fuck up, please.

My point is that I haven't done Manba style for so long and I don't know how long it will take until I get the energy to put the make-up on. I barely have energy to put really light make-up on, so that will explain my light make-up and the lack of updates, but I will try to get better.
I'm sorry, but this is how it is right now for me.
Right now I feel like there's more important things in my life that I have to take care of which will not be mentioned here.

I don't say that I have quitted Manba, i'm just saying that i'm to depressed to do it right now and that I have other things in my life to take care of.

If you are going to stop follow me and stop interesting you in me and whatever, then I acctually don't give a fuck. If you want to delete me from your life just because i'm not Manba right now, then just do it. I have no room for false people in my life.

This was pretty much what I wanted to say.
Kisses and Hugs

Technologic

2011-07-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

Right now i'm at my uncle's house. I'm here because I needed to get away from home and because my big sister is going to get a friend from England and i'm going with her. It's very fancy here at my uncle's house, it's a new apartment and everything seems so cleaned,new and fresh. My uncle makes alot of money and he lives all by himself so he has pretty much money to get rid of. His whole house is screamong technology, he works with that and is very fond of technology. He has numerous of high technology stuff that makes everyone who gets there outdated, but not me, because he's only got an iPad, and I have an iPad 2.0 so there i'm a little bit cooler then him, lol.

I barely have the energy to write something now, or I have something to write but I don't want to appear as a whiny bitch. On the other side it's my blog, and I can write whatever I want.
Let's put it in a short version for now: Fail

I'll be writing something tommorrow and then i'm pretty sure that i'm going to sound like a whiny bitch, but I guess everybody has to whine sometime.
Kisses and Hugs

Little more serious plans about my hair

2011-07-05T13:14:00.000-07:00

So, i've been talking about what i'm going to do with my hair for the summer but nothing serious. The reason is that my mum never deals with things she has promised, i'm also like that but not as much as my mum. She has promised me hair extensions if I cut my hair, and of course I said yes. The funny thing is that she promised me that in May! Now I seriously need to tell her that I need it and that she has promised me! I can fix everything myself, just give me money and I can do it all by myaelf because I've been waiting long enough. Let's just hope that she will listen or else I will force her to listen.

Anyways, I have various colors that I would like to have in my hair and I would love to have long hair:

I'm strongly thinking about having blue hair. I've always wanted to try it, plus it fits so good with Stitch!

Silver hair is also something that i've been wanting to try, but I think that you need to bleach it, and i've done it so much that my parents won't allow me to do that anymore, but we'll se about that.

And of course, let's not forget this hair, the wool hair I call it. Since i'm going to Japan i'm thinking about doing this type of hair, i've heard that you can do it in Harajuku, but i'll try to ask Gehako (right) about where to get it.

Well, these are the plans for my hair, as I see it now.
Kisses and Hugs

iPad 2.0

2011-07-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

So, for my birthday present I got an iPad 2.0 with a really cute shell of hello kitty. I'm in love with this thing, it's so easy to do everything!
Then I got a trip to Japan, I just can't wait! The date of the trip is not really set, butme and my bigsister are shooting for the 23rd of August right after my dad's birthday. It all depends on when my bigsister is going to start college again, let's hope that I can get there this summer.

She came home yesterday, my bigsister, she's been gone for a whole year. I never knew until then how much you can miss a person. That moment when she hugged me, all of my problems seemed to float away. Everything that i've said that might have hurt her I regret so badly. Now I realize that she is truly an amazing young woman that has so much love to give and love to recieve. When I hug her I get that smell that she's always had. It smells like home to me, when she's with me I feel that I have a part of my home with me.
I love you and I hope that you know that.

Birthday

2011-07-03T14:43:00.001-07:00

Best day of my life

Goin' out

2011-07-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm going out tonight with littlesister and Mathea to a foam-party, it's going to be fun to try my first foam-party. I'm still so scared though since it's in my hometown and everybody know who I am, but i'm going to try to not care. I will try to have as fun as I can!
Thumbs up for me!
The fear is digging in my and I can hear my heart beat. My head is about to explode, I feel so warm and I think that i'm about to throw up, fuck I hate this.
This time I will take some pics and post them, since it's a foam party aka water I will not have any make-up on.

I hope that I can get money so that I can buy new hair extensions, I would like to try to have light blue hair, like the ocean

This gal is so cool! I can't find her HP though, she's deleted her cgiboy and I can only find her new album, but I won't give up!
I really like her make-up, it's so outrageous and cool, kind of sloppy with the eyes though. Anyway, I want that hair! Since I have platinum blonde I think that I can make it ocean blue, it would've been so fun, then I can be Stitch!

I promise that I will write some more when I get home, but right now it's not so much to blog about.
I hope that you will still follow me!
Kisses and Hugs

Train

2011-07-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on the train home right now, I had nothing to do so I thought that I might aswell post something.
The train is packed with people, it's so crowded in here!
Right now i'm depressed. Depressed and feeling sick.
I'm so irritated of reasons I do not know and just plain sad, I don't even know what to write so this post is totally unneccesary, but I guess that I can still find something to write about.

I feel like i've lost a strong motivation to write. It only feels like people are reading some posts, the posts about gyaru and make-up, but my long and kind of depressive posts, it feels like nobody reads.
Without any motivation, what's the point, right?

Just what a girl needs

2011-06-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm staying at grandpas since my parents need to work. I'm still to depressed to be alone. I've lived there for 4 days and tommorrow i'm going home.

So here's a little update of what i've been doing these two days.
On wednesday me and my littlesister went to the city to go shopping. I got my money last weekend for the month and then I got some sponsors from dad and grandpa. I felt kind of rich.
It's been a nice weather these days, very warm so it was perfect for tanning and getting brown. To bad those days are over now, since it's going to be cloudy and rainy tommorrow and for the weekend. My birthday is on Sunday, and it was raining when I was born, so it's kind of nice having rain. This is the only day when i'm happy to have rain. Still I prefer sun.

Anyhow, we went to the city, it was kind of a long walk but no harm done, the hardest part was to find things in the city. Eventually we found a quick-e-mart and went in there to buy a couple of things, the store was kind of small and it seemed to be very shitty. I didn't buy anything because I thought that the price would be lower at another place. I found out that it was even more expensive there so I bought two stuffs that I really needed:
Tresemee Hairspray: Salon finish
Venus embrace
Tresemee was worth the price since you get 500ml of hairspray which is the biggest volume yet. Venus embrace was kind of overpriced I think, it costed 180 SEK which is very much for just a razor. I guess that it must be good if it was so expensive. I haven't tried it yet, lol.

After that we went to a tanning salon which had the biggest selection and the cheapest prices so far, to bad that it's just in some cities.
As you see on the picture I went tanning and it was so comfortable, I love tanning booths, it's the smartest invention ever! I just to get a good tannig oil, can somebody please help me with that?
Tanning booths is just what a girl needs to get happy again, lay there and feel how you're becoming brown.

Soon my bigsister is coming home from USA, oh how I miss her! She's been gone for a year! She's been an Au pair aka Babysitter and has been to Albaquerque, and Ghent. The first family that she got was a rich family in Albquerque, both of the parents were loyers and they needed someone to watch the kids. The kids where 3 and 6. They were so sweet and the little girl had that angel blonde hair with curls and those big eyes, I wanted to take her home!
The mom and dad didn't have a good relationship, the dad didn't gave a shit about the family and so on. The mum started to let her anger out on my bigsister by complaining at her every move.
My bigsister was therefore transferred to another family in Ghent, it was across the country, she is now an Au pair for a family which has two twins. The twins are super cute and friendly, but they're so spoiled! They're still sleeping in their moms bed, the dad can't sleep there, they get everything they want and so on. They are 5!
My bigsister won't give them everything and that is good I think, because children needs to learn how to be independent, not totally but they need to learn that at a young age! Parent who spoils there kids has to realise that the kids are not going to be independent, not move out to an own house, always rely on their parents and so on!

Okey, so now i'm going to put something up for discussion, or maybe not, but I don't know.

IF you've read to down here I want to say thank you.
I don't think that there are many people that acctually reads those long posts that i'm writing because, I don't know, lack of energy, uninteressed, bored...I have no idea.
Maybe they're reading and if you do that I want to say thank you!

Now it's shower time, then movie and then bed or maybe another post, we'll see.
Kisses and Hugs

Lovelipop

2011-06-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

I am no longer a member of the swedish gyarusa Lovelipop.
I got a mail today that they were doing a huge construction and that they don't want to have me as a member no longer, until they have finished the construction. The thing was that the mail was only sent to two of the members, me and another girl. It was kind of like a way to say that they didn't want her or me in the gyarusa.

They said not to be sad about the mail, but of course you get a little sad, but on the other hand we were not that active, but I can understand that because we don't live in the same places in Sweden, not even close. I understand that it's very hard to get meet-ups to work like they do in Tokyo. I wish that we could've had it that way, like in AngeleeK, there were very strict rules that you had to get to every meeting. It was so easy because everyone lived in Tokyo or 1 hour outside which is easy to go by train in Japan since they have shinkansen.
I guess that I was a little too young also, man I wish I was older!
We'll see if I'm coming back to Lovelipop, I guess that I will, but we'll see.

Lovelipop HP

Negative comments

2011-06-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I got a negative comment yesterday about me doing my make-up wrong. The person who wrote it just wrote that i'm doing my make-up wrong and that I need to improve.
I can take critic, but this type of comments is just plain bullshit!
If you think that my make-up needs to improve, tell me so, give me tips and say what I can do better so that I can improve. Say what part I should improve and how I can do it better and I will try to follow your advice.
Don't come to me and say like this: "your make up is shraoifhoasfhosaf your doing it wrong."
First of all, can you do the make-up better yourself?
Second, how mature is it to just say to me that i'm doing my make-up wrong.
Third, what's the point?

If you're going to say comments that's mean and just unnescesarry, don't bother.
If you think that my make-up is horrible, then tell me what things that you think needs to be improved and I will try to follow your advice. If you just say things like "your doing your make-up wrong" without an explaination, then GTFO because I don't even bother caring for you.
Jealousy is what makes a bitch talk shit.

New design

2011-06-26T10:05:00.001-07:00

Thought that the blog needed a little update!
What do you think?

Sleepless

2011-06-23T16:53:00.000-07:00

It's 01:27 PM and I can't sleep because I haven't got any sleeping pills this evening. Before I went to bed, I talked to my mom and said that I really needed those pills because otherwise I can't sleep. Mum just said in a monotone sentence: "No, you don't need those, you're not addicted."
WTF was that about?!
I know that I need those to sleep! It takes me forever to fall asleep without them. I know that I need those, I can't sleep without those! Maybe they're like drugs to me, but I don't care, I need them to fall asleep.
So, now i'm stting here, sleepless.
I can feel the tired feeling in my head, I can hear myself gasp, but it's just falling asleep, that's just so hard.
I hope that this can help me sleep, I always get so tird after writing here, for some strange reasons.

Just because of this I don't have anything to write acctually, lol!!!

Well, today my littlesister has gotten her hair done, she made highlights and looks fabulous! My mom said to me that I can get a hair makeover, but I still want to keep my platinum blonde hair color! I love it so much and i've been fighting with bleaching and bleaching that it won't be worth throwing it all away like that!
Anyways, she promised me a hair makeover, but now she suddenly said that she will not pay for sewing in hair extensions! She said to me that she'd never said that and that I must've misunderstood her. It's a few things that really pisses me off in this world, and one is when adults clearly said something but later are trying to pretend that they didn't! This has happened to me numerous times when me and my siblings have said to my parents that they've said something, but they refuse to admit! I get so pissed off about that, my mom clearly said that I could've hair extensions sewed in, I remember it so clearly!
Has this occured to you or is it just in my family?

I'm still staying at grandma's house, but I don't mind it at all, in fact i'd rather live here than home with my mom, because my mom and I just don't fit together right now. We're both not psychically stabelized and we stress eachother up all the time, which makes us just angry.
Here we go, another thing that makes me pissed off, I can not choose where to live.
My parents said when they divorced that I would move with my mom and littlesister and dad would live with my big brother and sister in the house which I grew up in. I've said numerous times that me and my mum won't fit together, and that I don't think that we should live together right now, do they listen? Hell no!
I'm saying on and on that I feel more comfortable at my dads house but they don't listen, they just say that i'm going to live with my mum and that's it! I get no reason, if I got a reason it would've been easier to understand, but they won't give me any fucking reason at all! I'm over 13 and in the lawbook it says that i'm allowed to choose where I want to live!
My grandma also thinks that I should live where I feel most comfortable, she listens! Sweet grandma!

Right now, I don't know how i'm feeling, i'm going through emotional roller coasters when everything just turns up-side-down. I'm trying to be optimistic, I really do, but it's hard because it doesn't feel like I have control over my own feelings. They just come and go as they please.
I want to hope for a good summer! I really want to, but right now, it feels like noone of my dreams for this summer is about to come true. It breaks my heart.
My ultimate dream, my ultimate dream is to go to Japan! I was hoping for it so dearly this summer, and I acctually thought that it might go! Now i'm not so sure anymore, I have to learn to not hesitate and build up to much hope, because then it will only hurt more, but I can't help it. The hope is still building up, and now it just feels like it's going a knife slowly in my heart because I think that i'm starting to see the reality.
Hope is one of the most important things a person can have.
I have to keep on hoping.
But now it's so really hard.

Sushi with grandma and littlesister

2011-06-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

The sushi was deliscous! Best sushi i've ever had! It was not a traditional sushi, as you can see, it was sushi in the most mixed parts and spices, they said that they loved to play with diffrent tastes and spices to make the best sushi. It sure was the best sushi i've had!
Don't get me wrong, I really like the traditional sushi to, but this sushi has an extra sting!
The personal was also something special, it was a girl that was really cute and so fun to chat with, she even asked me for her name, it is also proved that when the costumers is called by their name, they want to come back even more! This girl was so relaxed and felt to genuine, something that I haven't occured acctually.
It was acctually the best restaurant i've ever been to!

So, right now i'm staying at grandma's place because my parents work, but I like it here. My grandma is so sweet and nice so have no problem staying there, and my littlesister is also staying there with me, so it's just nice.

I feel like i've gotten in to a period of like, whatever-ness, when I don't care to write on my blog, but I will try to write as often as I can.
Kisses and Hugs

Swastikas

2011-06-20T01:45:00.000-07:00

If you see this symbol on my blog, then don't think that i'm a nazi or a razisct. I'm all for the diffrent kind of races coming together in th world and I think that all people are people whether religion, color or country!
So read this before you judge me:

The word swastika came from the Sanskrit word svastika, meaning any lucky or auspicious object, and in particular a mark made on persons and things to denote good luck. It is composed of su- meaning "good, well" and asti "to be" svasti thus means "well-being." The suffix -ka either forms a diminutive or intensifies the verbal meaning, and svastika might thus be translated literally as "that which is associated with well-being," corresponding to "lucky charm" or "thing that is auspicious."

This text is from Wikipedia and as you can see it explains what the swastika is really meant to be! It's a good luck charm and it stands for healthyness and sun! Before Hitler took the swastika it was used in many diffrent countries as a symbol for life,sun,power,strength and good luck! The nazi swastika is turned on the side and is in another shape. I think that the swastika is a beautiful symbol and it needs to get washed of this nazi-crap.

I AM NOT AND WILL NEVER BE A NAZI

Make-up tutorial!

2011-06-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

Here's my make-up tutorial!

So this weekend has been very fun, i've laughed so much and had a very good time.
I promise that I will write about it tommorrow!
Kisses and Hugs

Don't get it

2011-06-18T10:30:00.001-07:00

I'm acctually, proud of myself, a little.

I'm giving you: No make-up pics

2011-06-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'm so fab............no just kidding

Sleeping away feelings

2011-06-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

The anxiety is coming back, I feel it, I don't really want to write, but I guess that I have to write myself off.

So, today when I woke up my whole body was so sweaty and I had blood on my hands. I was first very surprised, but then I realized that it was nosebleed. I wonder how common it is to bleed from the nose in the sleep, I did it period-wise and this is the first time i've done it in half a year, I think.
Do you used or are you bleeding from your nose in your sleep?
I still wonder what I dreamt because it takes alot for me to sweat in my sleep and get the bed all messd up. I don't remember that much of the dream, but I remembered that it wasn't a nice dream at all.

After breakfast and getting the dreadlocks in I went to school. Since i'm supposed to have summer vacation right now, I get to watch some movies instead of studiying, my grades hae already been set so I don't have that much motivation to study. I've seen many great movies that I wouldn't have seen if my teacher didn't insist on me to see them:

The Shawshank Redemption

Witness

Good Will Hunting

American History X

Great movies, all of them, I think that American History X is the movie you can learn most from. It was so sad, but really good!
Anyways, then I decided that I wanted to watch a movie that's coming out in America soon: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. This movie has been a huge success here in Sweden and it's supposed to be very good. I watched an hour of it, and noticed that this movie was only shit, I don't get how you can find those movie any good. It has a horrible plot, and I don't mean bad, but horrible. The girl is getting raped and molested and tied up and it's just so much violence. I don't get how those movies can be good.
The movie was just disturbing, really disturbing!

After school we were going to a beach to play some games, but I already felt it, I felt it right from the beginning of the day. the anxiety, that goddamn anxiety. Truth to be told i've had anxiety in almost a week now but i've been trying to push it away because I don't want to get in the emergency "hospital".
Now I couldn't hold it, the anxiety screamed in my body and it felt like I was going to have a breakdown at any minute. I called Mom and asked her to come and get me, and then take me to bed and care for me just like she did when I was fysically sick. She always sat in my bed and then she went down to do things and I just fell assleep. It was so easy because my mom gave me that warm feeling inside.
I wanted her to do that for me, but of course her work had to go before me, and of course my dad got mad at me and thought that I was rediciolous.

I can't describe how it is to have really huge anxiety, I guess that it's like being afraid of a murderer that you know is on the other side of the door, you know that he/she is there, but you have no idea of how you will escape or defend yourself. The fear is pumping in your veins, your heart is beating so fast that you feel like it's going to jump right out of you. You just know that on the other side of the door is a man or a woman that will kill you, and you can see how the doornob starts to turn, right at that moment, at that exact moment, that is how it feels like to have anxiety like I have.
I can't explain it any better, but I think that I made a pretty clear view, it's horrible.

I went back to the "hospital" and went straight to bed, I just wanted to sleep away the anxiety and forget all about it. That is the only thing that desn't envolve razors or self destruction of any kind that acctually works on anxiety, sleeping. People say that it only help you for the moment, but it isn't like that, it can help me for a whole day or more, when i'm tired I don't care about anything, I have no energy to feel anything, so i'm almost like a zombie, but I like it, or atleast it's better than have anxiety all day long.

Sleeping, that's actually the ultimate medication.

Now I don't have anything else to write, or yes, I have, but it will be a really long post, rediciolously long.
So i'll save it for another post, tonight it will be movie with Jenna and Pepsi max.
The Devil's Tomb, seems kind of bad.
Kisses and Hugs

Tanning salon

2011-06-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

Tomonya

I'm happy right now! I'm finally allowed to go to a tanning salon!
My mother and dad has been very skeptic to it, but now finally I get to tan. There's a catch though, I'm only allowed to tan once a week, but my mum and dad will pay EVERYTHING! I've tried and oh it was wonderful. All I need is a tanning card at a salon so I get 30% off!
I just hope that my skin won't be as my dad's. You see, he has tanned so much, he comes from Kroatia so he has liverspots all over his body! I can see some liverspots on me aswell, but I guess that I just have to tan that I get so dark that they won't notice!
Does anyone knows how to get rid of them, some good creme or something like that, some scrub creme maybe? If you know something that might work, let me know!

Tomonyas collection

Kisses and Hugs

Thanks Mathea & Inez

2011-06-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

It was awesome yesterday and today! I danced ParaPara! Haven't done it in years!
Love you gurls!

(sorry for rediciolous ego pics)

Anxiety

2011-06-09T05:08:00.001-07:00

Good quote

2011-06-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

This is kind of an unnecessary post, but wtf.
Today i'm so tired bored, the weather is humid and shit. The picture is for showing the hairstyle that I use the most, or I mean, when I don't have the energy to do make-up and hair.

So tonight it'll be movie and Pepsi Max for me.

Anyways, this is one of my new favourite quotes:
"Life is not about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself"

Small picspam from this weekend

2011-06-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

Plastic fantastic

2011-06-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

So today it was a really hot day and of corse I had to get to the beach! So me and my littlesister where riding on bikes to the beach, took about 20 minutes or half an hour, and it was so fun. I haven't been on a bike for ages so it was really fun to do that. You feel some sort of freedom when you ride a bike, the wind blowing through your hair and the sun shining on you and of course the music you have on. Believe it or not, we actually listened to Eliza Doolittle - Pack up, and I chose it. I like that song, the lyrics is good and it's so very catchy and I don't know why but it gives you a sence of summer. It's a perfect song to ride a bike, walk, or anything to, it's somewhat of a catchy and funny song. Also, it's not that techno/trance/club like most of the songs today. Don't get me wrong, I love Hime Trance, Eurobeat, Para para music etc. but sometimes you can listen to some music that sounds a little bit more real. What do you think about it? Comment and let me know!

Now my ass hurts from sitting down on the bike, the saddle was a little out of proportions, but it was worth it!

When we came to the beach, we found a good spot and and then it was straight to tanning. I use Hawaiian Tropic as tanning oil, i've just bought a new one which is called "Intence" but it was really good! You felt how the sun went into your skin. I have mixed feelings about Hawaiian Tropic acctually, I think it helps, but not as much as I want to, maybe it's because I used to be pale like a ghost and totally avoided the sun for almost one and a half year that my skin has a little hard time with getting brown. The reason I avoided the sun was that I thought that it was poison in the suns UV lightning and therefor I avoided it 95% of the sun period of that year.
Now I just want to be as brown as possible, but I kind of understand why my skin won't be that brown. Although my arms have really gotten color, I mean, from ghost pale to the color i'm having now is a good step forward.
I also like the smell of Hawaiian Tropic, it smells just like I think that Hawaii smells like, coconut. I love coconut, I haven't eaten it or drank it but it smells like heaven. I have a coconut perfume that I use, but not in the summer, my mom says that if youwear perfum and then go out in the sun, yu're going to get white spots on your skin. I don't want that to happen, so I only use anti-perspirant, but I on't have anyone that smells like coconut though.
The result of todays tanning is little bit less than I expected, but I gess that my skin is still building up the pigments that I need to get brown, although it was two years ago.

After a few hours of tanning me and my littlesister went home. We packed up some of our stufs and headed home to dads house. My dad worked kind of late today so we had to eat home made hamburgers, I didn't put vegetables on my hamburger. As you might now, it's a bakteria here in Europe called Ehek that is really aggressive, the most people who gets infected by that bacteria acctually dies. I've completely stopped with eating vegetables. I will continue to stop until the Ehek bacteria has either a cure, or is comepletely gone.
I always get so scared when it comes to massive diseases. I get the feeling of really paranoia and get anxiety.
My dad said that it was okey, but I still don't believe him, because he's not 100% sure, so I can't believe anyone who isn't sure about the things that they claim.

After the dinner I went up and going on the computer. Then for some reason I came across a top 20 list of best and worst celebrity plastic surgery. There was a list of diffrent celeberties and some extra did the do it or didn't they do it? It was acctually really entertianing to watch, and the plastic surgeries that had gone well I think that it looked very good on the them. Then of course, there was some horrible operations and celeerties that had gone completely overrated, "Jenny Lee" for example has done more than 40 operations and is only 30-31. Her lips looks like a fat punch in the face. There are many that take botox in the lips and really overdue it and oh my god it looks so really ugly. "Heidi Montag" is another example, but honestly, besides her breasts I don't think that she doesn't look good acctually. Then there's "Amanda Lepore" that has made her lips so enormous, it acctually looks like someone has ripped of her lips and there's blood instead or something like that. That is ugly. I've always thought that plastic surgery is good as long as you don't look to plastic and you do it at a good doctor. Everybody in my family always says that they won't do anything in plastic surgery. I'm acctually the only one who would be able to do it, there are some flaws that I would've want to fix, and I might do in the future, I don't know.
Here are the flaws I would like to fix:

1. Nose, make it smaller.
2. Minor eyebrowlift.
3. Liposuction on stomach, thies and mayby arms

I don't know how much that will cost, but I would like to fix it in the future. As long as you still look natural there's nothing wrong with plastic surgery, it's when you overdose botox, liposuction and breast implants that makes you look like Barbie on crack.
Talk about taking the term "Plastic fantastic" really wrong.

Now it's just a little bi more Facebooking and then i'm off to bed.
Tommorrow i'm going to Felicia!
Sleep well.

Breakdown

2011-06-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

Okai, so today I woke up and felt like shit for the beginning. I slept like shit also.
I ate breakfast and went for the computer, when I felt the anxiety come and was gripping to me, I didn't know what to do, my body was screaming for blood and I couldn't control it. I tried to press it down, and I succeded, then I was on Facebook and regular stuffs, then mom comes in and says that we are going to a restaurant and eat because we wouldn't have the time to do that when we are quitting school so we were supposed to go to a vietnamn restaurant but the restaurant wasn't open so we had no idea where to go. Of course a little fight started in the car where everybody was fighting for a restaurant that they wanted to go to. Then my brother said "Wild west stakehouse" which is an American inspired restaurant not that far from us, everyone agreed that we could go there, except me. I don't like meat, it doesn't taste anything and I want to be a vegitarian. I was a vegitarian once, but my parents thought that I lost to much weight and forced me to eat meat again. It was the most horrible thing to do. I remember one occasion especially, me and my littlesister where going to eat and it was the first time that I was going to eat meat for several months. I went down and saw that it was hot-dogs in the thing we were having, I don't remember what we had. Anyways, I ate everything except the meat. My mother went completely nuts, she was screaming at me and said that she would but me in a real hospital where they gave me food by a cord. I said that I wasn't going to eat that meat, but ofcourse I was really scared, I didn't want to go to hospital, I don't trust them. I remember my mom taking down the clock we had and said exactly like this: "If you don't eat up the meat in half an hour i'm sending you to a hospital!"
It took me a while before I could acctually get it into my mouth, but hten I finally got one piece of meat in me, after ten minutes I think. I was so scared for the hospital. Apperently my mum wasn't satisfied and screamed that I had to eat up the meat in normal speed. So I did, and it felt so fucking horrible, I didn't want to eat it, I really didn't want to.
Oh mother, how you hurted me that day. How you cut me right in the heart.

Now my parents say that I eat quick but of course I eat quick, I was forced to do it during almost a year! Or else you would send me to hospital, WTF do you expect, I have tons of pressure on me everytime I eat because I have to eat quick just because of you. Thanks alot. Really.

Now back to precent
So, I didn't want to be in everybodys was because they were so happy about going to that stakehouse so I just said yes. Then my big brother says that we're going to a Thai restaurant and I can hear that he sounds a little bit dissapointed, okey, really dissapointed. I say that we are going to the wild west stakehouse anyways and then he starts to protest, but then I say kind of loud that: We are going to the fucking wild west stakehouse!
Mom turns back and says that I ruined it all, and then we calmed down and started to talk about diffrent restaurants and right in the middle of that my mom says: Well now that *beep* cursed it won't be that fun! *turn around to me* thanks alot!
How the hell do you think I feel when you say that, do you think it's going to make me feel better?! I said that I was sorry and do you think that it will be better if you say that, what the hell where you thinking?! You just dubbled my anxiety! I mean really, even if I cursed, do you say that to a teenager with anxiety and a deep depression?! No you don't! I really don't want anything to do with you anymore on this day! In fact, not in the entire weekend (reason comes later) what the hell were you thinking?!?!?!

Anyways, so the stakehouse wasn't open and we went down to a new restaurant at our hometown, I had shitloads of anxiety in my body and it felt like I was going to fall in the street anytime. I was in another world, a world of darkness and my head and body was screaming for the razors! Screaming like hell, and I couldn't get it to shut up! I tried so hard but the anxiety became to strong.
When I was about to get mum because shehad gone away because she had a phone call, I saw her with her so called "ex.boyfriend" and I felt the anger inside of me. It was boiling like a kettle with really hot water, I could smash a head with my hands with that anger. But I swallowed it and went back to the restaurant, tried to swallow the anxiety, but failed.

I went in to the toilet on the restaurant and just broke. My tears were pooring out of my eyes and made some black spots on my clothes because of my simple make-up.
I cried, and cried, and cried. Cried because of lonelyness, cried of the anxiety, cried because I felt so fucking hopeless and shitty. My head hurted and the anxiety just wouldn't stop. I blew it, I blew the whole family dinner and the nice time we were going to have. I failed, deeply.
After a while my littlesister knocks on the door and asks me how it is, I say that I don't want her to come in, I didn't want anyone to come in and see my horrible face, but I ask her to get mum, and that was a big mistake. I sat on the floor, crying and was literally about to die psychiclly when mum comes in. She looks at me and I can feel the anger in her stare.
"Stand up" she shortly says.
I stood up
Her stare had anger and shame in it. She took a paper with water and washed my eyes.
"You can't be this just because I told you that you don't curse, now you're just making it bad for everybody else, I couldn't hug you because then you would've kept crying and get more anxiety"
I washed off, but I was completely in chock. How the motherfucking hell can she say that? How the mother.fucking.hell can she say that? I still don't get it.
First of all, I did NOT and I repeat NOT crying for that! I cried for what you said later, that wasn't so fun to hear you now!
Second of all, how the hell can you come in to a bathroom where your depressive child is sitting and crying its eyes out with no emotions, no caring, no feelings at ALL! You just went in there like a fucking military officer and was mad! How the fucking hell can you do that?!
And third of all, If you would've hugged me and comforted me I would cry more, yes, but then I wouldn't feel that hopeless that I did/do. Then I wouldn't have to push down all the anxiety and then pretend that it was all gone. Just because I didn't want to be yelled at.
I have no intention of seeing you right know. I have no intention of seeing you on this weekend what-so-ever. Thank god that it's the weekend at dads. And if you're going to pretend that everythings normal, fine, but I will just act happy because inside i'm so fucking mad at you!

So, then we went to a diner and I pretended that it was all gone, when it still was there. It was still there and is still here now, but not that strong as it was then. They say that you shouldn't leave me home alone, but they're so wrong, time alone helps, I know that, so get it in your heads.

Right now i'm all alone with dads computer. Today has been the more hurtfull than many other days.
I don't know how long it will take for me to heal, forgive. Maybe the wound in my heart is going to be there forever, or it will heal to scars. But scars are still memories, scars do you get when you haven't healed enough. And we all know, scars never heal. Never.

Still alive

2011-06-01T13:08:00.001-07:00

Just so you know, I'm still alive, I just don't have the energy to update, but I will in the weekend.
Kisses and Hugs!

Fake friendship

2011-05-30T01:12:00.000-07:00

A girl is leaving the "hospital" today, a girl who I really liked. She was kind and sweet, but now I guess that it was her time to go. It made me think, the friendship that we developed, it was all ake. We didn't say goodbye to each other properly, we just said take care and then we were finished. It was like we've just met, but we've been in the "hospital" together for a long time. That friendship was all fake, it was just the despiration from the two of us to find someone to talk to. We will not have any contact from now on, atleast I don't think so, we just talked. We just wanted to have someone to talk to, that's how it is in here, you start to develope a friendship with somebody but deep down you know that it's all fake. It doesn't mean anything to the other person, neither to you. When you're done with being at the "hospital" you don't give a fuck about them. They're nothing to you and you're nothing to them, you just say goodbye and then it's like you two don't know eachother.
All the laughs and talks you've had together doesn't mean anything, it's all blown away in the wind.
Everything that was between you and the other person is completely gone. Vanished in to thin air.

I hate this.

Mall in Sweden

2011-05-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was at a mall in Sweden called Entré. It's a really huge mall with bowling and cinema, like a real mall in USA. The funny thing is that it's not going so well for them, I guess it's because it's in a really awkward position. It's in the beginning of the city and not in the centre.
They've started a new building called Emporia witch will be the biggest mall in Sweden, six floors high and a yard on the rooftop! It says that it will be finished this years, but I have my doubts, I mean, it's going to be a really huge mall, and I mean huge, and if they build it to quick it won't be so good, but I guess that they've built it for a long time now.

I bought a really cute dress from H&M, it's big and full of air and so cosy to wear!
Now it's just to wait for some nice weather to come!

Anyways, today is mothers day so I will just post some pics from yesterday.
Bigger update will come later tonight, I think.

My smoothie was named "Tickle me pink" and was so deliscious!

Beach walk

2011-05-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

Today I walked on the beach, the water was cold but it felt so nice just go there.
I acctually danced in the water, and loved it!

I'm very tired so I won't write so much, but atleast it was an update!
I've been very busy for the last couple of hours and yesterday with stalking. I'm trying to reach to AngeleeK Shige's homepage, but she seem to have dissapeared completely. If you have pictures of her, please send!

Shige

It acctually feels like my brain has stopped it's melting, slowly, it scares the crap out of me! And it makes me so tired! I guess I need to listewn to music that will give me some energy.
I want to get out of this hospital, tommorrow I can stay home for three days, but I need to get out, walking and get som exercise, I have to tell them that they can't be with me all the time, because it bothers the crap out of me. You can't go anywere without them following you and i'm like: FUUUUUUU!
I have so many things to write, but so little energy to acctually do it.
I hope that you have better weather than Sweden has, it's cloudy and shitty, I really wish that the sun would come out, it's warm, but the sun is hiding behind the thick clouds. Then it's going to be rain and shit, I want to go to a warm place and tan!
Also, I noticed that alot of the "hospitals" food taste like barf, litterally. I won't eat it when it tastes like that, it's like eating barf, fuck no! I wonder if the rest of their food tastes like barf, then they seriously need to get better food! If I notice that one more dish tastes like barf I will get mad!

You know, I got the worlds most annoying awakening today, apperently there was a kid that didn't get what she wanted and starting to cry and scream like hell. I acctually thought that it was an earthquake or a murder or something, she screamed like hell and cried so loud and I was just about to go and slap her in the face when she finally got out of the "hospital." I swear to god, if I wake up like that one more time I will go to the kid and bitch-slap her in the face! So today i'm very tired, but the walk on the beach made it better.

Right now I'm listening to: Britney Spears - Till the world ends
I was a huge britney fan when I was a little kid, but then it faded away, and then she just dissapeared. She tried to make a big comeback but never succeded. Now, after all she has been through comes a HUGE comeback with two songs that immideately topped the lists! I admire her! Go Britney!

See the sunlight
We aint' stoppin'
Keep on dancing till the world ends
If you feel it
Let it happen'
Keep on dancing till the world ends